flexagon: (Default)
Last week I went to view the mountains! No, not really. You'd just think that from the name of the town I visited, where my company is based. I had a good visit, and kept things simple by avoiding most social obligations and simply getting a massage on Wednesday to get my dose of physical touch.

On the flight back I got great news from the minion whose fate was hanging in the balance in my last corporate-whining post: he's found a job in his new office, helped along perhaps by my own letters to his soon-to-be-manager. Which means that my bumbling (and the director's bumbling) didn't ultimately cost him his job, and he's not lost to Zillian just because he's lost to my team -- which now happens at/around the end of October, rather than in two weeks. My relief practically made me melt on the plane.

In weirder news, [personal profile] norwoodbridge went from an OKC hello chat to "yeah, I liked her, we had sex!" with a new person while I was gone. I spent about a day having no idea how I felt about that, because I don't always access my emotional side too well while on a business trip (and I hadn't seen [personal profile] norwoodbridge for a week and a half at that point, so he wasn't feeling very real either). I was pleased a day or so later to find that I felt fine: the new girl seems cool, the whole thing is reasonable, she lives far enough away that she can't be, uh, super spontaneous in a way that would bother me. Basically I know Norwood's been wanting a new thing and this new thing seems good. I might even be compersing, mildly? Too early to say, but this very initial response seems decently in line with, I guess, being the person I'd like to be. More generous. Not so damn scared all the time.

([personal profile] heisenbug also has a first date on Thursday. The poly network is really hopping.)

I finished The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet, a lovely SF book that focuses on the humanity of the characters (yes, even the alien ones) and generally satisfies. I foresee it making an appearance around Christmas for certain people who like it character-driven, and I also foresee its sequel arriving at my door in a couple of days. I'm trying to think what to compare it to... it has a small cast of specific characters kind of like Starfish or The Sparrow, but its characters have a warmth and depth more like The Book of Strange New Things or Never Let Me Go. At any rate, recommended.
flexagon: (like smiley)
But wait! A few good things happened this week, too!

I went on a date with a bitsy little girl (woman yes, of course, but she's so little... seven inches shorter than me, and nine years younger), and she took me back to her place and got me high and kissed me. So nice. And if I sounded a little bit passive there -- well, you say lazy fuck, I say aikido master. :-) It was pretty chill but the way is open for more dates, either double or just us, after my business trip.

I've also really been enjoying playing Open Sorcery, on my phone. It's a text-based adventure game that is geeky, queer-friendly, sweet and nasty by turns, and very replayable (with about 10 endings, and the opportunity to subvert pretty much every goal). My favorite aspect by far is that it's possible to make friends with almost all of one's supposed enemies, even the final boss, though there are tradeoffs. Definitely recommended.

Dang it. I know there was a third thing, and it wasn't just the new Tori Amos album. Oh, yes, [personal profile] coraline helped remind me: it was seeing the new 7 Digits show and having it include a tall skinny girl! I don't usually think of my body type being underrepresented, but in circus it kind of is, because smaller is better for both flying and handbalancing. This girl had a rhythmic gymnastics background though, and was super flexible, and did silks and an awesome hoop/contortion act with her long, long legs looking fantastic. And there was a handbalancing act, too.
flexagon: (blue)
Sometime late this week I encountered a really good lentil-and-rice food, mujadara, in one of the work cafes. There are a million recipes online but I think I'll try this one soon; it looks fairly plain, like the one I had. Something about it kind of hit my "people chow" button, by which I mean I can imagine it coming in giant 20lb bags labeled People Chow and that it would make for a pretty satisfying diet (compared to other 20lb bags of glop). It's also dairy-free, gluten-free and pareve. If I can make some as good as they had at Zillian, I'll try making up a batch and freezing portions for dinners.

It's been a good week for handstands. This Monday was my first time working totally solo in a planned, going-to-be-weekly way, and I basically did press exercises until dizzy and shaky (including pressing off my lowest surface yet, possibly in an ugly way). Wednesday in LCS class I succeeded in a new press drill, one where I lean my head into the wall and do a press handstand -- and which I repeated on Friday and again today, making it officially Not A Fluke. Today I went to see my secondary coach -- does he seriously not have a name yet? I shall call him Fine-J -- and got a bunch of positive feedback and a handful of new drills for the next few times.

And, sigh, I bought clothes. Partly because stuff is on sale at Nomads, including this gorgeous tank top that was totally worth it at full price, but also because things wear out, circus schools change their dress codes, and things start bugging me that didn't bug me before. I can win in the short term, but things don't stay okay. So in exchange for the two long-sleeve Nomads tops, I am ousting my last two green tops, both of which have burnout patterns that faded into teal/blue near the bottom and both of which are too busy and off-palette for me to enjoy wearing anymore. Good riddance. Green is, with the exception of one last T-shirt, dead -- long live blue, purple, gray and black.
flexagon: (Default)
Two of my friends have, in the last week, told me of the great gains they've made recently by obsessing over something and training it every day for a while. Time for a September challenge?

(I can't reasonably load my wrists for handstands every day, but I could do some hanging drills.)
flexagon: (it-is-likely)
I don't talk about therapist stuff a lot here, but I'm going to talk about this morning's session because it was our last one. As I said last time I mentioned the possibility of stopping, we hadn't had too much to talk about lately, and I could use my Tuesday mornings back. So we cut to every other week for three final sessions, and sure enough, I made good use of the "off" Tuesday mornings and nothing bad happened, so today we said our indefinite farewell.

I learned something really obvious from her, which is that my emotional system does process things -- sometimes it's deliberate and sometimes it's some natural metabolic process related to time passing. When I first started seeing this lady I was struggling with something too big for me, which wasn't fading or changing (at least in my mind), and so I also definitely learned that sometimes my emotional system can need help. But more often a thing will happen, and I'll feel terrible one week and a little less terrible the next week, and a little less the week after that. The idea that I can generally trust this process to happen sounds trite but is kind of a game-changer for me; I've been very used to putting effort into everything. And for my initial problem I did need to. But for many/most problems, maybe I don't. Which makes them more like events than problems, really.

Second distillation of everything: given that reactions to bad things fade, and given that reactions to good things fade too, and given that I've spent too much time lately observing folks turning inward and turning against newness and skill-building, and given the way that memories form... oh, and given my vacation experiences earlier this year... novelty really matters, both for personal growth and also for happiness. Even for steady-steering people like me.

And something from my notes: Regrets are inverted worries, protecting us from what we feel in the present moment by pulling us into thoughts of the past instead of thoughts of the future. (Is that pithy or what?) That said, life entirely without regrets is too much to ask of ourselves, and I shouldn't beat myself up for feeling one every now and then.

We had a nice goodbye. I asked whether she has a new Tuesday morning person (she thinks she does), and wished that person well in a passing-the-torch kind of way, and told her that I think she does a ton of good in the world. She, for her part, said that it had been a pleasure, and she feels like I'm well-equipped to keep taking on the world for a while. We'll be thinking of each other for a while. And I'm likely to send her a letter after six months or twelve months, just to let her know how the current cliffhangers turn out: promotion, old cat, new-ish boy, things like that. She said she'd like it, and it'll give me a nice feeling like wrapping up an email thread, so why not?
flexagon: (balancing)
Back from Oregon, and my head feels overstuffed as the anxieties and to-do lists come back into focus.

Seeing some older couples close-up is always fascinating -- this time, [personal profile] heisenbug's parents and my mother and her husband (who didn't actually show, but who was discussed). I know, it's only two data points. But in both cases it's the older man who is closing off and becoming less interested in learning/doing new things. In both cases, intriguingly, the older man is exercising a fair amount but always in very straightforward/controlled environments. One is doing a lot of indoor stationary-bike riding, but is having more and more trouble with his balance, and decidedly not working on balance or any lateral motions with any form of exercise or physical therapy. The other is at least still doing folk dance and some kayaking, which help with balance, but is losing flexibility without working on it and is becoming less open to learning new dances. In both cases the women now travel more than the men do. Whyyyyyyy? What is happening to these folks? It's scary. I wonder what I'll see next year (or thereabouts) when I see my dad and his wife, and I wonder what I'll see around me when I'm in my 70s.

Unrelated: one of my team's best people at work is moving away very soon, and it looks like HR is going to block my plan to have him work for me remotely for a few months. Argh! Big companies. :-/ The only thing worse is a small company. Anyway, here's my next really bad managerial problem to solve. Apparently dealing well with shit like this is exactly what I get high performance ratings for now, so I'd better put a brave face on it and get scrappy. (Or, as a popular internal meme would have it, drop the "s". Just "crappy". It's cleaner.)

Must not forget, one of my best handstand buddies just got her press last week. I have mixed feelings about this -- some jealousy, of course, but also the feeling of losing a friend who was on the same journey. And anxiety over some skills she clearly gained by working with a coach who I've never clicked with, a coach who in fact a lot of people say is great but who has only ever shown me bland feedback combined with an inability to break down skills. Yeah, it's me, I'm missing something there. That said, I'm working with my own special different coach, and we all have different paths, and.... agggggh. Maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking I'll ever attain my stupid overly-difficult goal. I need to not think about this too hard.

On the plus side, I successfully and efficiently bought new Nikes in the airport, leaving them the box and also my old sneaks to recycle -- a most satisfying minimalist upgrade. Does anyone else remember when we used to expect to break in new shoes? These days I'll only tolerate that for heavy leather boots. Everything else needs to feel okay immediately. Shoes, I think, have gotten better.
flexagon: (fabulous-caterpillar)
I'm in Oregon, having flown out on Saturday, and this morning saw a total solar eclipse -- my first. We had eclipse glasses, clear skies over my in-laws' street, and a good social environment, with neighbors out and about but no overwhelming crowds. [personal profile] heisenbug was doing camera fussing, so I got to experience almost all of it pretty independently.

At first it was just a tiny bite removed from the sun, at about 1:00 or 1:30, and my stated hypothesis involved a tiny, nibbly sky-mouse. Sky-mouse was hungry though, and the bite kept growing. I couldn't have told without the eclipse glasses, though, for quite a while; everything was bright and hot, like before. After a while I made a pinhole device with foil, a roll of tape and a safety pin, just to make sure science was still working, but there wasn't much in the way of being awestruck. Yet.

Half an hour later, the half-gone sun was bright, but not so hot and burning: maybe what it would be like if the planet were a bit further away, but not as far as Mars. I started to spot the phenomenon I'd most been looking forward to: crescent dapples on the sidewalk, as leaves on the trees formed natural pinholes. I took photos, led people to the best trees creating the effect, and, prosaically, ran to the bathroom as totality approached.

Back out on the street with a few minutes left to go, it was definitely less bright and less hot. It got rather cool, in fact, and the sunlight quickly got weak and strained. Through the eclipse glasses, the crescent was thin, and getting shorter rapidly. I heard someone say "this has a name, this flickering", and yeah, without the glasses there were ripples in the light of the sun. I could see the street flicker and it was really, truly, eerie. If one thing could have made me think the sun was going out for good, it would have been those flickers.

I put my glasses back on, and there came a moment when the tiny orange crescent winked out. "That's it, it's gone" people said, and I took off the glasses and there was a giant hole hanging in the sky. It was stunning, just as stunning as they say. The corona was HUGE, forming a giant trapezoid around the sun instead of the thin ring I might have been expecting, and I never remembered to look around the horizon for sunset colors everywhere because HOLE IN THE SKY OH MY GOD. I'll never see anything blacker than that. The world hadn't really ended, but it had stopped. It was all on pause.

After some time I managed to hit send on the "OMG totality" email draft I had prepared earlier to send to [personal profile] norwoodbridge. And [personal profile] heisenbug came running over from his tripod, and I hastily said "Kissing under an eclipse is good luck" and we had a quick smooch. But the sky, the sky, hole in the sky oh my god.

People started counting down to the end of totality. I stared to the very end, and had a momentary flash of the "diamond ring effect" as light burst through at one searing point. I quickly got my glasses back on and the effect was gone, replaced by a tiny crescent (through glasses) and the eerie flickers lighting the street again for thirty seconds or so (around the glasses).

The rest was a rewind, as the sun gained brightness again and, later, its heat. We showed more people the crescent-dotted shadows, which are quite extreme right after totality, and waited, and the world got back to normal.

This event had a fierceness that a lunar eclipse can't match. For one thing, the heat of the sun being cut off is more important than the light. For another, with this there's something blocking the eclipsed body; it's not a mere shadow, something is physically interposed and in the way. For a third, those flickers, like a light bulb about to burn out. For a fourth, day turning to night, which is far more affecting than night turning to slightly darker night. I didn't have any deep spiritual experiences or get totally incoherent, but I was awestruck, and certainly don't regret the plane ticket it took to get here.
flexagon: (Default)
Thursday broke from the usual schedule with a company trip to Six Flags, where a light rain kept the crowds away and kept me from sunburning or overheating. Yeah roller coasters, yeah. The first one was huge, and scared me a lot -- I said I wouldn't scream, but out from my mouth came the high-pitched sounds of alarm, anyway, as if I were going to successfully warn my tribe that there was danger over here in the loop of the coaster. But my proprioceptors warmed up to the idea of going on rides, and I relaxed and started enjoying the floaty feelings soon enough (the Joker is excellent, by the way: very new this year, very smooth, and no sideways/spinny motions, for those who are bothered by such). Swooping down the initial drop of my old favorite the Mind Eraser, [personal profile] heisenbug by my side, laughing, leaning forward, with the summer rain blowing into my open mouth... that was a good moment.

Wednesday brought a date with [personal profile] coraline, who called me back to reality on my plans to unlock Quarte's sexual potential like a game achievement for the benefit of all players: "He's not a Pokemon". OK fine, it's true, but there was some level-up this weekend anyway. It actually is going pretty steadily, I'd say about 100 points per raid. :-P And it had a weirdly sad moment: I found an odd lump in his thigh that turns out to be an errant, subcutaneous bone chip (or bone nub; he was born with it). It's right on the outside of the thigh, not tucked away, so the sad moment was when he said "[Asexual ex-girlfriend] never found it." In three years she never found it? Ouch. I think she didn't touch him very much.

For the most part the week was bonkers, with Too Many Social Engagements by far; especially the four in a row on Saturday night, which hogged my weekend and also demanded much emotional labor in the form of talking/listening about acro community shitshows. I feel pulled at, in several directions. I stayed just ahead of my to-do list, though, and may eventually be okay.

For those who like links, the most hilarious thing I've read all week is The Strange Log, and the nicest song I've encountered all week is Small Song by Lhasa De Sela, which is reminiscent of early Fiona Apple.
flexagon: (like smiley)
Yes, I am a total dork who was willing, this time, to mess up her workout schedule for the sake of legendary but virtual birds. Yesterday was the big Pokemon Go festival in Chicago, which was kind of a disaster on the ground -- but a ton of tolks turned out in Boston, catching as many Pokemon as we could during the three half-hour "catch challenge" windows. The idea, which was cool, was that we could help unlock stuff for the folks in Chicago and they, in turn, could unlock stuff for us. I hung with some nice people, racked up lots of points and helped raid a Muk so that someone could get her first.

The day's plans for Chicago kind of fell apart. So, in apology and very unusual fan-service, Niantic unlocked ALL the worldwide rewards that were supposed to be possible if the fest went really well, and also released two different legendary Pokemon as part of the raid system. Nobody knows whether these two are going to keep being available after this 48-hour window of double candy/XP/etc, so today Boston was SWARMING with groups of people carpooling from one legendary raid to another. I leapt out of the house myself, and rode in a lot of strangers' cars, with my Pokemon T-shirt and my big external battery providing street cred.

And what a day! My very first legendary raid (for an Articuno) yielded not only the Articuno itself, but also Level 34 for me. I got one more Articuno out of two more raids, and one Lugia out of four Lugia raids (that fucker's hard to catch). I figured I was done, and very happily so as it was already really late for lunch, but I was going to tag along for another raid near home -- then the girl I was getting coffee with said there was an Unown in Harvard Square, and I leaped into a Lyft and we raced for it! The driver was awesome about it. He wasn't into Pokemon but wanted to know how it worked, how long we had to get there, etc, and we got there and he watched me catch it while I explained. Then he gave me a huge grin and high-five, and yeah, I tipped him pretty darn well. I worked off the buzzy energy by walking around getting quadruple points on new Pokestops for a while, then headed home for real for a shower and a start on my promotion rationale for work.

So fun.
flexagon: (simplify)
My breakup with dynamic acro is A-OK so far. No more stress about finding bases, a clearer head, and a nice date night with [personal profile] heisenbug after handstands last Monday. I did meet up with someone on Thursday night to work on that long, difficult acroyoga flow, and I don't know if it's the right thing to work on that when he's also maybe working on it with someone else (sigh), but it's different and fun and he's an old, comfortable friend.

I sold my bike yesterday, with all its accessories, after an eBay post had been up for a week. I met up with its future rider, and it turns out she'd been stalking my exact model of bike for years, including the era -- my bike is from ~2009, just before they changed the brake system to be less gorgeously archaic. She'd already paid my asking price before meeting up, and even declined the offer to take it for a spin on the bike path before making a final decision. Already in love, she said. :-) She told me a story about having been a serious long-distance bike racer before having kids, and how she now wants to just enjoy riding and not go fast. That, of course, is what Dutch city bikes are for, so it's perfect, and I can feel good about all of this. (Update: oh no, I jinxed myself! It doesn't quite fit her, and she is returning it.)

Goodbye to my therapist? A couple of appointments ago, my therapist and I began to bat around the idea of stopping seeing each other. It's been about fifteen months, and the truth is that we often haven't had a lot to talk about lately. I do find it scary to contemplate giving up the guaranteed, high-end emotional support, because what if something bad happens and I can't handle it? But getting my Tuesday mornings back would be phenomenal. And the changes I initially said I wanted, when I started working with her, have indeed come to pass in the time we've been working together. She suggests a "conscious uncoupling" of sorts, during which we spend the last appointment or two kind of summarizing the things we've covered and learned together, and packing it up as a toolkit that I can take with me. I like that idea, and it might be time.
flexagon: (Default)
This week had some weird emotional stuff at work. It wasn't a normal week to begin with, because I spent two days teaching instead of doing my usual. Then there was the part where I spoke about my childhood in front of a crowd of coworkers (minimally and lightly, but still), and also the part where I was hearing about something sad in another part of my team and I got to see my boss cry. :-( This is all totally separate from the HR issue that also blew up after business hours one day, sending four of us little managers scurrying around to each other to decide to escalate, together, above our vacationing director to the VP. We didn't have full consensus on doing that, either, despite it being in my opinion an obvious call. *headdesk*

I saw Quarte yesterday and pried his foot off another inch or so off the sexual brake. He's been a little overwrought about sex, if you ask me, and a couple of weeks ago he'd expressed that having an orgasm with someone felt scary because it felt like giving them his soul. So last week I told him that if someone were to accidentally give me a soul, that would be okay: I would hold onto it for a few minutes, take care of it and then give it back. Apparently that stuck and was the Right Thing To Say! Good. Little wins, I will take them. Still no soul-transfers (or intercourse, for that matter: GRUMP), but at this point there should probably be a friendly betting pool on when.

Working toward a breakup with serious structured acro. Or, actually, done, today -- my latest partner's usual performance partner is free to take dynamic with him, so I'm out and they're in. I want my Monday evenings back, and I want to work on stuff that will actually pay off. Of course upon sending the final text I got hit with a wave of very unpleasant FOMO, but that's the point, brain, let's do miss out on an awkward schedule with hard work that doesn't go anywhere and a weird "are you in the in-club" feeling attached! So, today I went out to the park for the first time in a long time. That was a good call. I got to vent to people who Understood, and do very nice standing hand-to-hands on three different people including [personal profile] soong, and I walked away with one person who'd like to take private lessons and one person who'd like to video a particular (long) acroyoga flow. So I feel better, and like I can ease off on the stressful stuff without my acrolife having to be entirely over, even though the jams are time-consuming and I've been feeling edgy about time lately.

Speaking of which, the work email calls.
flexagon: (Default)
Sitting at the back of a classroom, having to be ready to help the teacher catch some dumb Javascript mistake at any moment while he's live-coding, I'm too jittery to do nothing but can't do anything too attention-absorbing, either. So, here are some tabs I've had open for a while.


  • Badgers in love comic, because it's adorable. "Offer's open." :-)

  • To my friends on the spectrum: covers the basic idea that if people ask you what you're doing, the meta-question is whether they can join you. In fact, a straight-up answer will turn people off. I've found this to be less true in adulthood, possibly because people are more into their chosen hobbies by now, and a lot of extreme activities aren't easily or safely joinable. But when I was younger I sure could have used this article.

  • Geeks, MOPs and Sociopaths -- about the typical rise and evolution and fall of subcultures. This was presented to me on FB, and rang dreadfully true to me in the context of the Boston acroyoga scene. Clearly I was a Geek there, and I could name some of the Sociopaths. I quote: Fanatics do all the organizational work, initially just on behalf of geeks: out of generosity, and to enjoy a geeky subsociety. They put on events, build websites, tape up publicity fliers, and deal with accountants. And then the "mops", or normal people, show up, and then... Fanatics may be generous, but they signed up to support geeks, not mops. Then the subculture dies, unless there's enough value for the sociopaths to show up.

  • Have you tried solving the problem? -- this just gets funnier the more I dip into it. Have you tried tying the problem to a stone altar, extracting its heart, and tossing its body down the stairs?

flexagon: (Default)
I'm going to give my newly special guy friend a name, and his name is Quarte! Nothing to do with small packages, you dirty-minded creatures, and everything to do with the fact that a quarte is the first parry learned by most fencers. Those who know him IRL will get the pun.

I hung out with him for a while yesterday and discussed his reasons for not just fucking my brains out already, which would generally seem to be the polite thing to do under the circumstances.

Basically, people have an "accelerator" system and a "brake" system when it comes to sex. I knew this, you knew this, and Emily Nagoski has written about it at some length (but if you didn't know this: article, comic). Quarte right now is revving both systems pretty hard, which spells self-imposed f-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-i-o-n. He has a high drive and also high brakes-pressing, the latter being left over from his last relationship. Importantly, I realized that when I was picking up sort of mixed signals from him last week, I wasn't really. He wasn't sending mixed signals, or at least not confused signals, he was sending TWO signals. (Oh!)

I further extrapolate that while I am very good at picking up people's "I'm attracted to you, let's go" signal, I'm not as natural at picking up the "ehhh maybe stop" signal (until people use their words -- I'm talking just about intuition and "radar" here). That is quite useful to know, if mildly likely to lead me into embarrassment. I'm not sure yet whether to work on being more sensitive to the other signal; a certain cheerful obliviousness seems likely to be pretty useful to Quarte, so maybe not yet.
flexagon: (pity party)
UGH. With mad dislike, I must relay to you the news that my acro base, out with an injury these last few weeks, finally got his MRI done and he has a labral tear (probably a SLAP tear). Even if he gets surgery he's very likely to be out for 12 months. Which means I don't have a dedicated base for dynamic class anymore... and I didn't even give this last one a special blog name. :_(

Me last August: The next one's got even more to learn than Panther, and maybe I'll just waste my energy training up someone else who'll leave me before the work can pay off...

Yup, almost called it. The one thing I got with him that was new is the cast-up to foot-to-hand, which is gone now: a flyer alone can't do a damn thing.

I'm not 100% sure, but I currently suspect that I won't continue with this class; at least not next session. I'm too discouraged at continuing to cover the same ground over and over with different new partners, and I'm not putting in the time I want to on my second handstand coach's press drills. Maybe I can solve/avoid both of these problems at once by ditching LCS on Monday nights, and dedicating them to solo handstand work.
flexagon: (like smiley)
Well, that's twice in two days now that an infusion of cash (mine) and expertise (others') have worked magic in my life.

Exhibit A: my smartphone, already having been shattered at one corner for a few days, got dropped again and began to... well, it's more like a demon got into it. It wouldn't respond to the touchscreen but was ALSO acting as if it were getting a lot of random touch input -- cycling through every app I have, changing settings, trying to call me a Lyft, putting a shortcut to a particular (not very close) friend onto my desktop. Yeah, you can bet I got my sim card out of there fast; not before texting that friend though. Anyway, I have the next phone already on order, but I found no way to back up some game data or make my next upgrade easy without fixing this one, and the guy at a local phone repair place was actually working on the 4th. So I took a bus over to Union Square, and in ten expensive minutes the demon was exorcised. I really didn't think it would work. The guy even fixed the damage done by the last screen repair.

Exhibit B: my tooth. Mah toof! I had a chip (or sharp-edged wear, who knows?) in the back of one of my front teeth, so this morning I went to the dentist at 8AM. I love him, and he fixed my tooth in about 10 minutes, and now I love my tooth again. Also, he is hilarious. These snippets of dialogue actually happened.

Me: What's your plan here?
Dentist: Well, I'm going to stick some stuff on it, and then smooth it out, and then maybe change the angle of this other tooth so that it doesn't hit the stuff.
Me: THAT SOUNDS GREAT

...

Dentist: That's it. Get out of here.
Me: YOU ARE A MAGIC MAN
Dentist: I wouldn't go that far. Go on, get back to work.

(Dentist leaves)

Me to assistant, unprovoked: I love him.
flexagon: (Default)
New friends -- would you enjoy reading occasional, detailed writeups of my sexual encounters? Comment here to get on my "explicit" filter.

I mostly only write about the ones I like, so they are cheerful posts, but not what everyone wants to read. Content warnings for explicit sex, and sometimes for kink involving (very happy) female submission.
flexagon: (Default)
Work trips are always overwhelming. I kept this one low-key by avoiding all evening social plans, working out every day except airplane day itself, and playing a fair amount of Pokemon Go (the highlight of my trip: ten minutes early for a meeting with a director at the edge of campus, I sat down to pit myself against a raid boss that happened to be right there. The director pulled up on a bike, whipped out his phone and joined me; we got that Croconaw together and then had our meeting). At any rate, good meetings were had, and I got confirmation from my management chain that I Have Support to go for promotion this fall. I'm also putting together proposals for potential new teams to be under me. In short, there are interesting things to do and I guess I feel back into it again, enough to not mind the whole scene too much.

The seedlings were faithfully watered by [personal profile] heisenbug in my absence, while I put them on 6 hrs dark / 18 hrs light schedule to give them some transition into the flowering stage. They are absolutely not seedlings anymore; I call them this only as one fondly calls a cat "kitten" long after real kittenhood is over. All eight of them are now sprouting little white pre-budding hairs at the crown and also in the joints between trunk and large leaves, and they've gotten taller; exactly like gawky young teens getting leggy and starting to sprout armpit hair. I've decided not to update their grow light, and just switch their light/dark schedule to 12/12 and see what I get with the setup I have.

Sexploration: I feel some coming on, so to speak. I've been feeling both very happy with my two lovers, and very explorey, lately. I did a small amount of Tinder swiping while in California, but Tinder makes me nervous; if I swipe right on a single goddamn person, then the next day we are very likely to match, and then I feel obligated to chat. (You cry for me, male readers, I am sure.) That's exactly what happened on my last evening, but I was tired by then, and just wanted to do laundry in the corp apartment and read and go home. Tomorrow I'm having lunch with an old-but-infrequent friend who I had a crush on in college, and who was once a metamour, and I wonder if things will line up this time; one of these years you'd think they might. And there's a guy I need to write about a threesome, also, who I've been meaning to write to for months. Time to roll a few dice, I think, before I get too worky again.
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I spent a weekend in Vermont with [personal profile] heisenbug, actively disliking small towns and facing unfriendly food options (dairy, bell peppers). Our friend's wedding went beautifully -- it was outside in a sculpture garden, and they wrote their own vows. So bittersweet to see them doing an acro routine for their first dance... it's the kind of thing we would do if we were getting married now, but we got married well before there was any acro in town, before [personal profile] justplainuniverse ever lifted me onto her feet and got me hooked. So, yeah, they are younger and cuter and cooler than us, and he brings the contentment and she brings the joie de vivre and together they'll do just fine, I think.

It was also my first time in a hedge maze, and I took pictures of an adorable little frog.

Then I went back to work today. Bleh, it was so weird, filled with people caring a lot about very abstract and esoteric stuff that I couldn't quite connect with. I declared email bankruptcy and didn't have much to catch up on, except figuring out what happened this quarter and what the tech leads think we should do next quarter. And I went to meetings. There's a list of stuff I could be doing this evening, but today it all feels too distant to care about, and I took the evening off. Luckily, after the long break nobody expected me to be useful on Day 1... maybe tomorrow I'll be able to care more, and therefore actually do more.
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Definite change in tone, on about Wednesday, as my focus began to shift to "okay, really, this vacation will end soon. What will I be pissed at myself later for NOT doing now, while it would have been easy?".

Hauling my Dutch commuter bike out of the basement was one of those things, a somewhat spiderwebby thing. Longtime readers might remember me getting this bike in, uh, 2009. Here is a picture, and it still looks just like that (except for the now-flat tires) because I rode it probably less than 10 times. It deserves way better, and it prickles at my minimalist brain to have SUCH a large object sitting there unused; vacation confirmed to me that I need to sell it, along with its numerous accessories. It is lovely and if I were going to ride a bike, it'd be that one; now it's time to accept my nature as Not A Bike Person, sweep the webs off it, and put up an ad.

Taking a private trapeze lesson was another (originally planned to be a semi, but people are flakes). I like to sit on the trapeze between classes on Wednesday, and wanted a couple of safe things to do during that time; what I actually did, according to the teacher, was about half of the 101 class. And if I can remember them, I have some easy tricks to do now: star in a box, dead hang, rajah with a twist out, some random poses that are mostly "make this body shape". Also a half mill plus the one trick I hated and wouldn't really do, a candlestick. I would like to learn a monkey roll... does anyone here happen to know what Esh level those are usually taught at?

I've also started to work through all my various logins to websites, updating and deleting. That last one is a much longer project than I'd expected; with ~125 lines left in the password hints spreadsheet, I might have realized, but I didn't. Guess I'll be working away at that for a while. Let's see though, I started with 138, and the first 15 are now confirmed, so that means I removed 12 or 13 lines while verifying 15? Yep. As I suspected, that file is full of cruft. It's also OLD -- how old isn't clear, but there was one password hint that actually stumped me for about an hour. "Bk...", all right, it's probably based on a phrase, but what on earth could "Bk" be short for? Big kids? Burger King? Be...? Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle! That's from at least six years ago and the login doesn't work, and I hate that site, so delete. (And now you know that I base a lot of my passwords on phrases: the "Be kind" quote turns into Bk,4eymifagb. It's reasonably good because you get built-in capital and lowercase letters, punctuation, and often an easy number from a "one" or "for" or "to".)

The rest of my vacation is pretty well spoken for. Last night was all about [personal profile] norwoodbridge and his birthday (dinner with his kids, walks on the beach -- the kids got fascinatingly fighty!), and the next two are all about a friend's wedding. This was all planned, and it's nice to not have much chance to fret about work starting. I'm still planning to walk into Monday completely cold, and let people tell me what happened.
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Yesterday was nearly the platonic ideal of a vacation day:
  • Woke up with no alarm clock

  • Productively did follow-up things from the weekend (review AirBnB hosts, figure out who owes $)

  • Try a new-to-me restaurant with a work friend

  • Go to the gym just to stretch: read more of Too Like the Lightning while doing pikes and splits and backbends

  • Home, email, social media

  • Went to LCS for handstands, then dynamic acro with my very sweet and amusing new substitute base. He's new to this level of acro, a cute young thing who works in software sales during the day and does burlesque performance at night, and I think we beat him up pretty well. I also think he based his first standing hand-to-hand though... so, hopefully worth it?

  • The park near my house was all lit up with Pokemon Go lures! Caught some Pokemon in the late-evening warmth.

  • Showered, made up for missed date night with [personal profile] heisenbug

  • Finally got memento from Sassy Fran in Neko Atsume

  • Received cat snuggles, fell asleep.


Sickening, huh? Today's been mildly less ideal, but I did get caught out in a very dramatic summer thunderstorm -- something I didn't realize was on my list, but it should have been. There was hail! Trees got knocked over! It was thrilling, in a low-consequence way.

And now I'm off to finish Too Like the Lightning. It's a current Hugo nominee which is dense as hell, has a very unreliable and self-conscious narrator, and which spends a lot of time at the beginning confusing the reader for fun; I would never have been able to get into it if I were working full-time.

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