flexagon: (Default)
[personal profile] flexagon
I'm going to give my newly special guy friend a name, and his name is Quarte! Nothing to do with small packages, you dirty-minded creatures, and everything to do with the fact that a quarte is the first parry learned by most fencers. Those who know him IRL will get the pun.

I hung out with him for a while yesterday and discussed his reasons for not just fucking my brains out already, which would generally seem to be the polite thing to do under the circumstances.

Basically, people have an "accelerator" system and a "brake" system when it comes to sex. I knew this, you knew this, and Emily Nagoski has written about it at some length (but if you didn't know this: article, comic). Quarte right now is revving both systems pretty hard, which spells self-imposed f-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-i-o-n. He has a high drive and also high brakes-pressing, the latter being left over from his last relationship. Importantly, I realized that when I was picking up sort of mixed signals from him last week, I wasn't really. He wasn't sending mixed signals, or at least not confused signals, he was sending TWO signals. (Oh!)

I further extrapolate that while I am very good at picking up people's "I'm attracted to you, let's go" signal, I'm not as natural at picking up the "ehhh maybe stop" signal (until people use their words -- I'm talking just about intuition and "radar" here). That is quite useful to know, if mildly likely to lead me into embarrassment. I'm not sure yet whether to work on being more sensitive to the other signal; a certain cheerful obliviousness seems likely to be pretty useful to Quarte, so maybe not yet.

Date: 2017-07-09 05:18 pm (UTC)
randysmith: (Default)
From: [personal profile] randysmith
Neat. I'd love to talk with you about this, since I also think of myself as revving both the accelerator and brake pretty hard. Off to read the article and comic ....

Date: 2017-07-16 01:57 am (UTC)
randysmith: (Default)
From: [personal profile] randysmith
I liked the concepts, but found the rating system less personally useful, as I, yes, ran smack into medium on both :-}. But I do think it's a useful frame for thought.

Should I expect to see your scheduled coffee time on one of my calendars?

Date: 2017-07-16 02:11 am (UTC)
randysmith: (Default)
From: [personal profile] randysmith
Found it! :-}

Date: 2017-07-09 06:12 pm (UTC)
melebeth: (Default)
From: [personal profile] melebeth
Brilliant name. I agree that the obliviousness is likely to be useful there. He's a special bunny :)

Date: 2017-07-10 09:34 pm (UTC)
drwex: (Default)
From: [personal profile] drwex
In amusing coincidence I was explaining my dual-control (though "control" seems something of a misnomer sometimes, as well as a double entendre of the highest order) system to Pygment this weekend.

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