I had my negative emotion pangs last night after N's second date, which happened this week and involved staying overnight and a lot more certainty... I don't know why N moves so fast in comparison to me. At least I no longer assume that the increase in time together with the new pattern will continue linearly until 100% of his time is gone, which I seriously legitimately believed the last time he was starting up a thing.

At any rate, it takes time to figure out communication preferences. I do much better when I'm not shocked/surprised by things, to the degree possible, so my guys generally tell me when they chat someone or if they get a message back on OCK... heisenbug often even tells me about initial messages.