Oh noes!! He's in noplace that works for you, but his type... hmm, I think you could search for "muscular therapy" and maybe "sports massage".

Since you specifically mentioned a straddle hurting, I wonder if it could be your inner hamstring (semitendonosus, the same thing I ripped)... Does it hurt to do this hamstring curl on a ball?

http://www.sissel-online.com/exercise/sup_hamstring_crl_ft_exercise_ball.php