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Would YOU pass along a friend-of-friend to the rest of your friends?
I had a somewhat fascinating conversation this week about the limits of friend-favors and social networks. It was a conversation with my friend RF, and it took place in the context of this linear social network. All connections are social connections but all parties are in the same industry:
JI -- RF -- DY -- (DY's other friends)
And the paraphrased conversation was like this.
RF: (was angry that DY wouldn't introduce JI to her friends in a certain industry segment, after saying she might or would.)
Me: Hmm, how sad, DY is not doing unpaid labor quite as you'd hoped. Maybe you should hook JI up with a headhunter, who does this stuff for a living.
RF: Whaaa? That's a little bit mean. JI isn't even looking for a job, she just wants to make connections.
Me: Wow, so even less potential payoff for DY. Yeah, I can't say that's my scene either. Too much effort, no reward.
RF: I feel it's not about effort, but about DY not wanting to look stupid in front of her friends in case JI isn't very smart.
Me: I, also, would not wish to risk even a smidge of my professional reputation on referring someone I had not met.
RF: Here is the letter JI wrote about what she was looking for. (Letter).
Me: Yeah, I wouldn't pass that along to my friends either. I really, really, wouldn't. No way. That letter makes JI look like a whole lot of work.
We talked some more, and it became clear that, for me and maybe for DY, that extra degree of social separation is an absolute killer. I would personally have talked to JI, as a favor, in DY's place, but without having met her there is no way I'd risk annoying the rest of my professional-friend network.
Likewise, I'm pretty sure I would not meet up with a friend of a friend of a friend. There's too little linkage there. A FoF who turns out to be annoying can be restrained a bit through the friend in the middle, but beyond that it's no better than a random stranger. And I have to focus my energy/time somehow. And my professional reputation is precious, and has taken me a long time to earn.
RF would have made the introductions, though. He would have seen it as a reasonable friend-favor, and would not have seen it as a risk to his professional reputation to pass on an unknown to his friends. That last point interests me, because I don't see why we would differ on that point; could be a gender thing, or a confidence thing (correlated), or something else I'm not seeing.
Would you have done it?
JI -- RF -- DY -- (DY's other friends)
And the paraphrased conversation was like this.
RF: (was angry that DY wouldn't introduce JI to her friends in a certain industry segment, after saying she might or would.)
Me: Hmm, how sad, DY is not doing unpaid labor quite as you'd hoped. Maybe you should hook JI up with a headhunter, who does this stuff for a living.
RF: Whaaa? That's a little bit mean. JI isn't even looking for a job, she just wants to make connections.
Me: Wow, so even less potential payoff for DY. Yeah, I can't say that's my scene either. Too much effort, no reward.
RF: I feel it's not about effort, but about DY not wanting to look stupid in front of her friends in case JI isn't very smart.
Me: I, also, would not wish to risk even a smidge of my professional reputation on referring someone I had not met.
RF: Here is the letter JI wrote about what she was looking for. (Letter).
Me: Yeah, I wouldn't pass that along to my friends either. I really, really, wouldn't. No way. That letter makes JI look like a whole lot of work.
We talked some more, and it became clear that, for me and maybe for DY, that extra degree of social separation is an absolute killer. I would personally have talked to JI, as a favor, in DY's place, but without having met her there is no way I'd risk annoying the rest of my professional-friend network.
Likewise, I'm pretty sure I would not meet up with a friend of a friend of a friend. There's too little linkage there. A FoF who turns out to be annoying can be restrained a bit through the friend in the middle, but beyond that it's no better than a random stranger. And I have to focus my energy/time somehow. And my professional reputation is precious, and has taken me a long time to earn.
RF would have made the introductions, though. He would have seen it as a reasonable friend-favor, and would not have seen it as a risk to his professional reputation to pass on an unknown to his friends. That last point interests me, because I don't see why we would differ on that point; could be a gender thing, or a confidence thing (correlated), or something else I'm not seeing.
Would you have done it?
no subject
I don't see this as a binary yes/no. It would really depend.
One degree, sure.
I would want to at least chat a bit with a two degree before I considered passing them on. I might well also add a low-grade disclaimer so it's clear whether or not it's someone I am vouching for- 'hey, this acquaintance is interested in X; don't know him/her terribly well/haven't actually worked with him directly, but she seems like she might be interesting to talk to.'
If they annoyed me or I didn't see some possible value to passing them on to BOTH parties, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to casually waste the time of my connections. That's definitely a reputation risk.
I also factor in who they want to talk to- if it's someone I consider to be professionally very high-value (i.e., someone who gets asked for things a lot, because they have control over resources), I'm not going to do it unless I am reasonably confident it will be helpful to that person. I mean, I try to do that for everyone, but there are people I am super careful with.
There is the professional reputation issue, but there is also something to be said for paying it forward in networking as well. I guess I actually visualize those relationships as less linear and more, hm, almost radial? Or at least branching and multi-layered.
no subject
I'm also at "one degree, sure" but it falls off fast after that. No doubt I am shaped by working in a highly desired industry, in a highly desired company, where the number of people wanting to find an "in" (or wanting to report bugs and complaints to me, shudder) is far higher than the number of people who stand a useful chance.
no subject