flexagon | NYE friend visit, late

I'm on my way back home from Seattle, where

heisenbug and I met up with his traditional New Year's Eve friends a little bit late. It wasn't as relaxed as usual, because Zillian wasn't in its holiday lull. It was still good to meet a newly attached girlfriend though (she's a yes; we will adopt her), who is, incidentally, now the youngest of the bunch at 36. I finished reading Station Eleven, which was quite lovely in the end, and Search Inside Yourself, and played a lot of Contre Jour, and came away with a strong intention to read Waking Up by Sam Harris. It's about atheism, meditation and ego / sense of self / identity stuff, and thus kind of in the sweet spot of what I'm studying right now.

I talked with TR, who I mostly quite like and respect, about early retirement options and future career plans and identity. He doesn't see himself retiring early, in part because then he'd feel driven to do something else and also because he identifies pretty strongly as a Zillianaire these days (after 7.5ish years). I think the latter is likely a mistake, and the former is the symptom of some kind of oddly American disease. Then again, I'm not in a good place to judge; I've been feeling awfully overwhelmed by life lately. TR's appreciation of Zillian as "something he can really engage with" is understandable; such things are good. It's just that my life overflows with too much of a good thing in almost every area. I want... less... right now.

I can feel the plane descending. Gonna pet me some kitty heads, soon, soon.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"waking up" sounds interesting. I'll have to put that on my list.

You got too much good stuff going on?

I've got way too much going on that is substantive, challenging, potentially rewarding and that I can "fully engage with".

Huh, I never thought of "driven to do something else" as a bad thing. :-) Granted, my something else would be going back to school for a complete career change, possibly to something I could do until I was 90+ if I wanted, possibly just for the next 10-15 years. Plus there's all those books to read, workouts to do, places to travel to... I did a retirement check in and kind of surprised the fund rep that I was all about the early options. :-) It's on my mind now as I enter the back half of my working years.

To be obnoxious about it (but also to ask a question that's haunted me for some time): if you're being driven, then who or what is the driver? :-/

Not a comfortable question. I'm as guilty as anyone else in this Type A culture, and I think I'm driven by cultural messages and restlessness and a sense that I'm not able (not worthy?) to simply exist, free from voices in my head. With any luck I can work on these things, however. I don't want to spend years of my life working hard for money once my financial needs are taken care of.

Seven more years, by my current calculations, if my husband is dealing with his own retirement....

The driver would be avoiding boredom. :-) I need to have something to occupy my mind.
Wow, 7 years, that feels soon to me! :-) I'm looking at 15-20 right now.

NYE friend visit, late

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