Impending egg visit

[flexagon]

All previously listed sources of ambiguity continue, and I'm also home sick with a cold today (sorry, team). But it's all taking a back burner to Birdie's impending visit.

For newcomers to my story, Birdie is my biological daughter: the result of my donating eggs to gay friends in my early 20s. She's sixteen now and staying with me for a week -- her spring break -- to go on college tours in the Boston area. And while I've met her several times before, including when she was 14, this feels different. This is clearly going to be the visit where she's mature enough to interact as a near-adult, and be curious about where her genetic heritage came from.

I've been thinking a week like this should happen ever since about 2001, and now that it's upon me I'm nervous. A week is kind of a long time and I haven't spent much time around teenage girls since I was one. So... any advice from the peanut gallery?

I've got a list of groceries to buy, lots of emergency contact info, and an agenda with details about college tours and fun stuff to do together. I've talked over rules with her parents. I've hidden the bong, but moved Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex to a bookshelf in the guest bedroom where she'll probably find it, because I remember being 16.

I'm planning to tell her that I'm poly and introduce her to Norwood at dinner on Sunday (she'll also likely meet Lion, but in a party context before I have that particular talk). Hope she's less judgey than her parents!

Comments

[elbren]

You can talk to her like an adult, but be graceful when she doesn't know things or is timid about something. My stepdaughter is a such super-competant adult, things like wanting company when she takes the subway to the grocery for the first time (she's in manhattan) catch me by surprise, but make perfect sense for her age.

[flexagon]

Thanks -- this makes sense, and is consistent with my own memories of being that age.

There's also a big carveout where I don't expect adult attitudes toward sex, alcohol, drugs, or careers / working.

[fandomonymous]

don't expect adult attitudes

This is important, but also, recognize she probably does already have opinions and ideas about sex/alcohol/drugs/careers. Maybe she'll want your input on those and maybe she won't - but the most powerful thing an adult could have done for me when I was 16 was not immediately discount my opinions but engage me with them.

[flexagon]

Totally fair point. I do expect opinions, I just don't expect them to be tempered by years of experience... we shall see.

[justplainuniverse]

Teen girls I interact with the most are pretty quiet until they get to know you, so I'd say don't feel disappointed if it starts out that way. Usually the more the adult takes the chance to be silly and playful, the more they respond and open up. They can also be kinda judgy, but hopefully she isn't! I'd say treat her as an adult and she will appreciate the respect and invitation to engage in meaningful convo.

[flexagon]

Thanks! Super helpful. :)