This may not flow very well
I've been feeling... mute, lately. Unable to say anything, because I haven't been doing anything, really, except waiting and feeling powerless while keeping my usual routines going. And I was wondering what hope is supposed to be all about -- is that a positive emotion? Because I understand happy confidence as a thing that's positive and energizing, but "hope" to me always follows "last shred of", and it's basically the thing that keeps me plodding along and feeling like I can't give up and be done with a situation yet. I'm pretty sure it's just ambiguity in a pretty disguise, in other words, and that I hate it.
Because I am a hope-hating grump-face.
This post is not destined to be a total downer, though. Handstands, for one thing: I set two records in the last two days! Last night I pressed off an 8-inch height, and tonight I held a handstand for 1:15 in class. My body in general seems cooperative, lately. Tonight I was super tired from handstands, but nailed a neat new "swing up to swandive" trick in acro anyway (and got to do 3-highs, too).
It looks like I get to be in the student show in the fall with two of my friends, so that's exciting. I haven't performed in ages, and I like the idea of focusing on something for a while instead of the group-class randomness. Yeah, even though class tonight was fun.
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heisenbug got turned down on Monday for a job he really wanted, and that was a definite hit. I'd been... well, hoping. Still, it seems fair to note that the other two major ambiguities in my life are settling: I think it's known who norwoodbridge is dating, and Lioness has for the moment turned down both the out-of-state job offers she had, so she and Lion are probably not moving (though I remain emotionally numb on this topic: can't feel it, can't relax, it's not over. Waiting for a signed offer letter.)
Weird communication has been had, and then smoothed out, with at least two people.
Shit people say at the gym: "You're that acrobat, aren't you? You do crazy things, on your fingers." Yes, I suppose I am. I suppose I do.
I have my period. Sleepy. Going to take my bloody self off to bed now.
Silence broken, at any rate.
Because I am a hope-hating grump-face.
This post is not destined to be a total downer, though. Handstands, for one thing: I set two records in the last two days! Last night I pressed off an 8-inch height, and tonight I held a handstand for 1:15 in class. My body in general seems cooperative, lately. Tonight I was super tired from handstands, but nailed a neat new "swing up to swandive" trick in acro anyway (and got to do 3-highs, too).
It looks like I get to be in the student show in the fall with two of my friends, so that's exciting. I haven't performed in ages, and I like the idea of focusing on something for a while instead of the group-class randomness. Yeah, even though class tonight was fun.
heisenbug got turned down on Monday for a job he really wanted, and that was a definite hit. I'd been... well, hoping. Still, it seems fair to note that the other two major ambiguities in my life are settling: I think it's known who norwoodbridge is dating, and Lioness has for the moment turned down both the out-of-state job offers she had, so she and Lion are probably not moving (though I remain emotionally numb on this topic: can't feel it, can't relax, it's not over. Waiting for a signed offer letter.) Weird communication has been had, and then smoothed out, with at least two people.
Shit people say at the gym: "You're that acrobat, aren't you? You do crazy things, on your fingers." Yes, I suppose I am. I suppose I do.
I have my period. Sleepy. Going to take my bloody self off to bed now.
Silence broken, at any rate.
no subject
so i hear
i mean, slumps happen, but unconstrained growth gets you leggy brambles that don't bear much fruit for the area they make impenetrable.
and this extended metaphor is Done so i'll stop now.
no subject