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Another decade-type anniversary
She said do you remember a time when angels?
Do you remember a time when fear?
In the days when I was stronger
In the days when you were here, she said.
When days had no beginning
When days had no end
When shadows grew no longer
I knew no other friend, but you were wild...
I'm pretty sure Tom left me just about 10 years ago (luckily, I never marked the day). Tom, who taught me to look for the "both" in situations that scream "either-or", Tom who brainwashed me into believing I was beautiful when I didn't believe it at first, Tom who gave me my sexuality. Tom, my first great love out of two. (Okay, so it's true he also shattered my stupid little heart, which the other great love has been kind enough to refrain from so far.) Ha... when I think how insufferably arrogant we both were that year, it makes me laugh. Wonderful stuff. I'm lucky to have had that at all. I know we weren't together for all that long in the scheme of things, so you might wonder why it still matters, but... formative years are not just for toddlers, and between the summer of '93 and '94, I was clay in the hands of one hell of a sculptor. It's not something easily forgotten.
I'm not so easily swayed anymore, and I love HLM very deeply, and I've gone into the nerdiest of jobs while Tom was perversely proud of going to a college that didn't even offer engineering. I bet we're making different decisions about children, about money, about everything except cats. And yet... I sometimes wish he could see me now.
I'll leave the comment feature on, just in case you now want to talk about your first love.
Do you remember a time when fear?
In the days when I was stronger
In the days when you were here, she said.
When days had no beginning
When days had no end
When shadows grew no longer
I knew no other friend, but you were wild...
I'm pretty sure Tom left me just about 10 years ago (luckily, I never marked the day). Tom, who taught me to look for the "both" in situations that scream "either-or", Tom who brainwashed me into believing I was beautiful when I didn't believe it at first, Tom who gave me my sexuality. Tom, my first great love out of two. (Okay, so it's true he also shattered my stupid little heart, which the other great love has been kind enough to refrain from so far.) Ha... when I think how insufferably arrogant we both were that year, it makes me laugh. Wonderful stuff. I'm lucky to have had that at all. I know we weren't together for all that long in the scheme of things, so you might wonder why it still matters, but... formative years are not just for toddlers, and between the summer of '93 and '94, I was clay in the hands of one hell of a sculptor. It's not something easily forgotten.
I'm not so easily swayed anymore, and I love HLM very deeply, and I've gone into the nerdiest of jobs while Tom was perversely proud of going to a college that didn't even offer engineering. I bet we're making different decisions about children, about money, about everything except cats. And yet... I sometimes wish he could see me now.
I'll leave the comment feature on, just in case you now want to talk about your first love.
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That relationship taught me exactly what should NOT happen in a relationship. It makes me appreciate Martin even more. I don't think I would have known to look for him had I not known that pain.
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He was abusive and arrogant. The only thing I can say for that is that I too ended it. And I drew a line in the sand that he could not cross and did not waver from it.
To remember your first love as you do (even if he did break your heart).
I would give a lot for that.
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Me, I kept most of the bad stuff for my second relationship... sigh... but that's all right too, that one ended eight years ago right about now.
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