flexagon | How hard will it be? Wrong, it will be twice as hard as that.

I had a depressing conversation with HLM last night about how much money he wants to keep putting towards condo improvement after we finish paying off the windows this month. Basically, the answer is zero... the time of having common financial goals is over. And much as I talked a big talk last night, I don't really feel like financing a kitchen remodel on my own, so that idea is out until future notice too (we are still going to get a dishwasher hooked up, but financial involvement on HLM's part stops there). Le sigh. I know, I know, I was going to revisit my budget anyway, and yes, the place is a lot nicer now than it was when we moved in. But sometimes it's just depressing to be reminded that you and your partner have such different goals. They lined up for a while there... and it was so nice. Sucks to go back to going it alone. I'm already a lot less depressed than I was last night, but that doesn't exactly mean cheerful.

Oh, and I also found out yesterday that Dahn yoga is basically a cult. :(

Thank you, droplets of sleet that are hitting my window, for reflecting my mood so well.

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Wow... a cult, huh? Sounds like a story... Spill?

No story, just a bunch of creepy stuff I found while googling.

http://www.rickross.com/groups/dti.html

Actually, I still can't figure out whether my place is directly associated with that institute--it is Dahnak but not by that corporate name. Anyway, it's all just kinda depressing, and the place in Davis is a little feel-good for my taste (though NOT as creepy as the stuff on that page).

Yikes Re: Dahn yoga :(

What are HLM's goals? Maybe there's room for compromise?

His goals are basically to use his money to work on his own software project here at home... The dishwasher is actually a pretty generous compromise for him to be offering at this point. We've also talked about higher payments on the small mortgage.

The truth is that, post-dishwasher, the place will be quite liveable. I'm just a little derailed, you know? I still had lots of plans. Of course, I've always felt guilty about asking him to contribute a lot, because of that whole money-is-time thing, and now I can stop feeling guilty. :) It probably all works out in the end.

No compromise on a 'once a year remodel' kind of thing?

Well, it would have taken us quite a while to save up for a large thing like the kitchen anyway. If we aren't even saving toward it... *shrug*

But yeah, we'll be doing it more like that: stuff every now and then, instead of having a budget that we know will be used for the house.

Hey. :( I'm sorry to hear you're so bummed.

I don't know how HLM operates, but I assume he will still be saving money, yes? Just not "earmarked" for the kitchen? If so, his feelings might change a year or a few down the road, and he'll be comfortable taking money out of the general pool for the kitchen. So is it possible the money is still there as an option? I'm sure you're still going to save, and then the money will be in your account as an option too.

It seems like the boy is perhaps a bit overwhelmed by the outlay of cash between the condo and the bathroom, and wants to stop it, even planning-wise, for now.

Don't feel bad, nobody knows how HLM operates. :) I think the idea is he'll be saving money but it'll be earmarked for him living off it. Which is fair... and I do feel guilty for asking him to contribute tons of money when every $1500 is basically a month he doesn't have for living the life he wants. Back when we started saving I remember telling him he didn't have to match my budget amount, I just wanted us to put in whatever a nicer home was worth for us. But, on a bone-deep level he just doesn't get budgeting and earmarking--you know this is true when someone tells you "it seems like it makes things too easy." So, okay, I can't blame him for getting tired of the game when it really is keeping him from doing what he wants.

However, I'm not counting on any lump sum suddenly freeing up for him in the future. Sure it could happen in a few years, but it can't be counted on, so... it can't be counted on.

I really can't blame him. It's not like I'm helping him finance his little operation either. If fixing what we've fixed was a mutual desire but doing more isn't, well, it sucks but it's fair.

Have you thought about getting a home equity line and spreading the payments for the kitchen out over 15+ years? With the work that you guys have done to the place, I'm sure you could get more credit on the place! It might be easier to convince him on?

30,000 at 5.0% over 15 years ~= $240 per month
30,000 = yummy, yummy kitchen

30K does equal a yummy kitchen, but you lose a few points for thinking I want to get any deeper in debt than the current ~270K. I pay enough people enough interest!

Thanks for the suggestion though. Maybe if I had 20 it wouldn't be so bad to borrow the other 10 or whatever, someday. :)

I didn't think you 'want' to get any deeper in debt, but at some point, what's a few more tens of thousands of dollars. ;-)

You're right. I really wouldn't have to sell much cocaine at all to make that money back anyway.

How hard will it be? Wrong, it will be twice as hard as that.

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