When being clever turns you into an idiot

You know you've been doing too many cryptic crosswords when you stop being able to read headlines like a normal human being. Wait, do I hear you wondering what these cryptic crosswords are? Google them if you like. They're something I do almost every night in bed, just a little bit; I've been doing them, off and on, since 1998. And they're the hardest word puzzles ever, because they're a whole variety of small puzzles mixed up. They'll have you analyzing every word in every clue, wondering if it's a noun or a verb, an anagram or a sound-alike, or if you're supposed to be looking for something reversed or just hidden within the words that are given.

Keeping in mind that I use my brain this way a lot when staring at short groupings of words, and a lot of words have double meanings, here's a headline I stared at for a while on the subway a couple of days ago:

TOBACCO FIGHT GAINS GROUND

Thought one: shouldn't that be tobacco fights? Oh, unless fight is a noun, not a verb.

Thought two: huh? maybe "tobacco fight gains" are being ground up, as if for coffee. I have no idea what gains might have come from any tobacco fight, maybe tobacco leaves, so this is plausible.

Thought three: the answer is probably an anagram of "fight gains" that means "tobacco", with "ground" being the hint that it's an anagram. No, wait, this is not a cryptic clue...

Thought four: or maybe "gains" is a verb, not a noun, in which case a tobacco fight is gaining ground. Ahhhhhhhhh yeah. Though I still don't know about the tobacco fight.

Thought five: I think this is my stop. Goodbye!