flexagon | Moon List prompts for May

Background: answering the monthly prompts from The Moon Lists on Substack, which are usually thought-provoking.

1. MOODBOARD GLITCH
Crying inside the Muji store. Receiving thrilling news whilst at the dentist. Arguing (via text) as you slowly swing in a hammock.

Describe a moment where your internal experience clashed—absurdly!—with the surrounding aesthetic.

As a manager, attending (usually leading!) the last team meeting before I know a reorganization is going to rip it all apart. This is the most heartrending, bittersweet thing. I always am torn between savoring those last few moments with the team-as-it-is, and wanting desperately to spit out the truth instead of keeping the corporate secret for the sake of the comms plan. I have, more than once, taken screenshots of the faces on the call in those meetings. I've had three of these in the last six months or so, and the first one (with my tiny "legal data" team) was the most excruciating. The surrounding aesthetic is "just another day but we're happy to see each other" and the internal experience is all betrayal and impending upset.

2. THE OTHER TAB
What tab is open on your computer that would most confuse a stranger about who you are? (Or: what’s a recent screenshot you’d be slightly embarrassed to explain?)

My browser tabs are pretty tame right now, but on my desk there's an attempted floorplan of the house that

tactilemuse lives in. The Zillow listing didn't include a floorplan and so I took it as a puzzle to piece one together from the pictures and maybe Google maps' satellite view. I'm only kind of a weirdo stalker -- I also really like houses and floorplans.

3. GENIUS / FRAUD
List the most recent thing that made you feel:
a) shockingly competent
b) deeply unqualified
(…maybe they are related and/or part of the same situation?)

a) getting a certain person promoted to L6 right before I left the big tech. It wasn't an easy case to "sell" to the room, and getting it there was a multi-stage project, but in the end it was a flying success with very little last-minute pitching needed. I Blogged about it very briefly on March 23. I was so good, you guys. Setting up that project, figuring out how to sell it, and who to sell it to in advance, and NAILING IT. All the competence (and basically zero purpose).

b) going to the nearby plant/garden store yesterday to look at plants. I had a couple of native groundcover ones in mind to look for, just to see them in person, but there were so many plants (and their little info cards talked about so much I don't understand) that in the end I didn't even ask for help. I just gave up and bought soup ingredients.

4. AESTHETICALLY PLEASING, ETHICALLY DUBIOUS
Admit something you admire or enjoy that conflicts with your values.

Admire: all the acrobatics by all the Chinese kids, who may not have chosen that pursuit entirely freely and who were probably trained harder than they wanted to train.

Enjoy: eating meat. Well, some meat. Surprisingly, I'm fine with my weekly burger; a single stun bolt to the head of a cow provides a whole lot of meals. But I really hate that there's no source of painlessly slaughtered fish. I hate that salmon eat other fish, compounding the misery that goes into my dinner (but salmon is so good and satisfying). I hate that most egg-laying hens have miserable lives, even though we pay extra for some level of free-range.

5. SELF ON A SHELF
List the qualities of a few different “versions” of yourself:
a) Which one shows up least when summoned?
b) Which appears when you're not trying?
c) Are there conditions that seem to invite your “favorite” version?

It's hard to summon the creative one; the one that appears when I'm not trying is the playful one, and also she has some bravery (or doesn't perceive some dangers in the same way as others). What is my favorite version? In progress, my friends, in progress! I think it's all changing.

6. YOU DON’T GET IT (BUT IT GETS YOU)
Name a piece of media/art/culture you don’t really understand but feel irrationally connected to.

I guess that would be Super Mario Bros... yes, the first one. It's unforgiving and the story makes no sense, but if I hear its music I'm right back in a place of joyful exploration.

7. UGLY ART
Flip the above question: What canonically significant thing (film, book, artist, concept, etc.) have you tried repeatedly to appreciate because you're "supposed to," but you just…can’t?

Terry Prachett's writing. I like and respect the guy, but there's something I don't like about the omniscient sarcastic narration.

8. REVERSE ORACLE
Write 3 questions you're currently committed to keeping open…ones you don't want resolved just yet.