O frabjous day...
Aug. 29th, 2003 04:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagonMakes me feel so edgy to be complimented on my calmness. I'm tempted to respond either with a sweet "sorry, is there a more effective state of mind?" or else, in a psychotic tone of voice while pulling a hatchet from behind my back, "Calm? Well, it's true that I don't prefer to show many visible signs of stress, given the choice, though I do think it might ease my mind a bit to CHOP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN...!".
Today's extra-big stressor was my dad writing to tell me that he's badly sprained or broken his left ankle, by going rock climbing when he'd already badly bruised the other heel, and he didn't think he had the money to go to the hospital so he was going to go to the VA office on Tuesday. I guess you have to know he was planning to leave on his road-trip through the midwest toward Boston on Mon or Tues to know why this matters. So, first I wrote back saying "that sucks" and then I thought some more, called the hospital in his town to see how much X-rays are, and wrote again saying "please go in now, and I'll pay for it." I hope he does but I haven' t heard back, and I kinda doubt he will.
Why do I feel so crappy about this? First, because between the war and the PTSD and the divorce and people dying and blah blah, enough shitty things have happened to him, even though he pretty much engineers it for himself. Second, because this whole prospect of going into the city has been the big thing he's been worried about all year, and he's been doing it kinda because of me, and do we really think it's sheer coincidence that someone with severe PTSD (read: known self-sabotaging behavior patterns) would hurt both his feet right before having to drive to something stressful for which plans had been going very well...? Considering that to drive for days, you really need your feet? We do not, kiddies, we do not. :(
Nothing more I can do but wait, wait to hear about the X-ray, and then wait to see if he can drive, or maybe take a train (or if that causes the same control issues that flying does). Oh wait, wait, he just wrote back saying thanks but he can't accept my generous offer. Can I call it or can I call it? I hate PTSD.
And then there's work, going badly today as we get nearer to our demo date and realize we're still spitting out nonsense. I did get some good stuff done yesterday but today, so far, not so much. And J is kinda freaking out because she's having outside issues too. However, at least I have a new philodendron (inherited from an intern who left today) and I had a positive annual review with bossman (usually a big event that gets me thinking all careerwise and blows my brain for the rest of the day, but today either my brain is unblowable or else it's already so blown that nothing could possibly make it worse, because it barely made a ripple). Also, DM the absentee photographer called me and we made a lot of the plans we need for that, and then I followed that up with a brief flurry of calls/emails to florist, caterer, etc that all went fine. It was nice to finally hear from her--I was worried she might up and quit in response to our initial underestimation of her prices. But all seems well.
Today's extra-big stressor was my dad writing to tell me that he's badly sprained or broken his left ankle, by going rock climbing when he'd already badly bruised the other heel, and he didn't think he had the money to go to the hospital so he was going to go to the VA office on Tuesday. I guess you have to know he was planning to leave on his road-trip through the midwest toward Boston on Mon or Tues to know why this matters. So, first I wrote back saying "that sucks" and then I thought some more, called the hospital in his town to see how much X-rays are, and wrote again saying "please go in now, and I'll pay for it." I hope he does but I haven' t heard back, and I kinda doubt he will.
Why do I feel so crappy about this? First, because between the war and the PTSD and the divorce and people dying and blah blah, enough shitty things have happened to him, even though he pretty much engineers it for himself. Second, because this whole prospect of going into the city has been the big thing he's been worried about all year, and he's been doing it kinda because of me, and do we really think it's sheer coincidence that someone with severe PTSD (read: known self-sabotaging behavior patterns) would hurt both his feet right before having to drive to something stressful for which plans had been going very well...? Considering that to drive for days, you really need your feet? We do not, kiddies, we do not. :(
Nothing more I can do but wait, wait to hear about the X-ray, and then wait to see if he can drive, or maybe take a train (or if that causes the same control issues that flying does). Oh wait, wait, he just wrote back saying thanks but he can't accept my generous offer. Can I call it or can I call it? I hate PTSD.
And then there's work, going badly today as we get nearer to our demo date and realize we're still spitting out nonsense. I did get some good stuff done yesterday but today, so far, not so much. And J is kinda freaking out because she's having outside issues too. However, at least I have a new philodendron (inherited from an intern who left today) and I had a positive annual review with bossman (usually a big event that gets me thinking all careerwise and blows my brain for the rest of the day, but today either my brain is unblowable or else it's already so blown that nothing could possibly make it worse, because it barely made a ripple). Also, DM the absentee photographer called me and we made a lot of the plans we need for that, and then I followed that up with a brief flurry of calls/emails to florist, caterer, etc that all went fine. It was nice to finally hear from her--I was worried she might up and quit in response to our initial underestimation of her prices. But all seems well.
