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Last night's Dale Carnegie class just made up for the time it was a downer and the time I missed it and all the money DSB has paid for it. We split into two groups and went all the way around the circle with one person at a time receiving compliments from each person in the circle. People said some amazing things, and basically everyone in our circle cried. This one woman in particular said something to me that I would have gladly paid tons of money for if I'd only known how much I needed to hear it... and I'm not even going to bother saying what that was. Let it stay in the safe room where it was spoken, and everyone else can just know that it was very healing. It's just so amazing to me that you can get so much true positivity just from creating an artificial environment in which people consciously aim to be supportive, and to be enthusiastic and reward enthusiasm (faster, sometimes, than the world will get around to rewarding it). I know I haven't been talking about the class much, and that's partly because it doesn't always do what it did last night, and partly because it was overshadowed for a while by the wedding. But now as it nears the end... yeah, I'm starting to be quite impressed. People are doing great things largely just so they can talk about them to the group, and after last night I must say I'm quite fired up about drawing up a business plan for my little rag. Even to try will be so great, and I'll be able to tell them I took that big solid step toward my vision. (Yes... higher powers help me, I just said "my vision" without sarcasm. But, you know, the sarcasm shield has to come down sometimes. And they made me write up a thingie about where I wanted to be by the end of the class, and the thingie was called a vision. So thbbbbbt, go ahead and laugh.)

I really hope at least part of our group stays in touch. It happens sometimes.

Only one thing marred last night's class, and that was not winning a pen for best speech or breakthrough speech. I still haven't won a frickin' pen, ever. Argh. I also really thought I deserved "best" this time, but people keep confusing the two categories, and they tend to give the "best" pen to whoever quit or got a job or promotion, or had something else dramatic happen to them. There's one girl who I really like and who is great and all, who gets a pen every time she talks about her dead mother. So... that part is not as entirely speech-quality-based as it possibly could be. But I have to not get hung up on feeling like a loser over a stupid pen--I still don't know for sure what happens with the pens anyway. For all I know, they just hand them out at the last class to everyone who never got voted one.

This actually could get into a longer discussion about how one goes about avoiding jealousy when people are doing great things all around them. I used to hardly ever have jealousy problems, but maybe I'm just surrounding myself with a better class of people lately or something, because it is coming back up in my life for sure. I know "the Answer" is almost always to get focused on something, same as for apathy, and work on yourself and remind yourself of the strengths you have that so-and-so doesn't. But sometimes that's rough. In the Carnegie class it can be a total bitch.

Anyway......

After all that, I had a great time watching QE with the L and J dawgs and HLM, and after that we stayed up late discussing anatomy/stretching/fitness for a while. It's a fun group to talk with because we all know a fair amount--I held the floor for like 5 minutes talking about adductors, and the dawgs promised to take me cross-country skiing. It all made me happy. Meow, purrrrrrrr.

No trouble at all getting to work today. I have found out yet again that when I inherit a bunch of unfamiliar code, it helps me a lot to sit down and make a quick hand-drawn UML diagram of the confusing bits.
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January 2026

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