Ice, relationships: both are slippery.
Mar. 4th, 2003 10:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagonSo, yesterday just kept getting worse and worse. Work went okay in the afternoon once I finally got up to speed. Then I slipped on the ice on my way to tae kwon do, hurting my hip, knee and hand. Ow. Class was a killer, after which I finally got to ask about testing, and (after showing off my tired-ass moves to the instructor and being told many things I was doing wrong) I got a resounding NO. So I was late meeting A for grocery shopping and fighting. Problem is, I was so tired I couldn't do it. I expressed unhappiness with him, absorbed the fact that he had indeed written me email, just too late for me to actually get it, and dealt with groceries/cooking in a complete stupor. Only then did we have the rest of the butt conversation.
It turns out A has had very bad experiences in the past with qustions like "do I look okay." My asking put him into a panic in which several other, better options were considered. "Yes, you look great" would have worked fine... "I'm not quite sure what you're asking, could you clarify" would have been fucking brilliant. As we all know, these options did not win out. He admits to a fuck-up there, complete with apology, and it does at least help to know the choice of what to say wasn't made rationally. However, since I have had bad experiences in the past myself... namely with other guys liking how I look but my SO not liking how I look... I still want to feed him to the cats. We're both all disappointed now; he's completely confirmed my fears that he notices every tiny imperfection about me, and I've confirmed his fears that negative feedback about body parts always causes insecurity (not true, btw, but this time). Fantastic... this is a fairly good relationship, and we still don't know each other's tripwires.
Getting back to the issue, I am completely failing to understand, at this point, why he wants to grow old with me (in light of the fact that people do age and end up looking worse than they do at 25). My desire to do the same is, let's face it, somewhat diminished today. If I'm at the "one-insult" level of fitness and good looks now, what will it be like to be 50 with this person? But I'm also about to start my period and am upset about TKD for reasons it would take too long to type in, so my only decent option is to ignore the whole thing and wait for normality to reassert itself. This is a rant... it is only a rant... if this were a real emergency I suppose I'd have stuffed the ring up his nose by now. I still hate us both, though, at the moment. This thing so didn't need to become such a big stupid issue. Hate hate hate hate hate. Anyway, it's all over now except the not-having-sex-for-a-while part.
Today, I can't even tell you how tired and stupid I'm feeling. I'm not doing TKD... too depressing. I brought my "run on the treadmill" stuff instead.
It turns out A has had very bad experiences in the past with qustions like "do I look okay." My asking put him into a panic in which several other, better options were considered. "Yes, you look great" would have worked fine... "I'm not quite sure what you're asking, could you clarify" would have been fucking brilliant. As we all know, these options did not win out. He admits to a fuck-up there, complete with apology, and it does at least help to know the choice of what to say wasn't made rationally. However, since I have had bad experiences in the past myself... namely with other guys liking how I look but my SO not liking how I look... I still want to feed him to the cats. We're both all disappointed now; he's completely confirmed my fears that he notices every tiny imperfection about me, and I've confirmed his fears that negative feedback about body parts always causes insecurity (not true, btw, but this time). Fantastic... this is a fairly good relationship, and we still don't know each other's tripwires.
Getting back to the issue, I am completely failing to understand, at this point, why he wants to grow old with me (in light of the fact that people do age and end up looking worse than they do at 25). My desire to do the same is, let's face it, somewhat diminished today. If I'm at the "one-insult" level of fitness and good looks now, what will it be like to be 50 with this person? But I'm also about to start my period and am upset about TKD for reasons it would take too long to type in, so my only decent option is to ignore the whole thing and wait for normality to reassert itself. This is a rant... it is only a rant... if this were a real emergency I suppose I'd have stuffed the ring up his nose by now. I still hate us both, though, at the moment. This thing so didn't need to become such a big stupid issue. Hate hate hate hate hate. Anyway, it's all over now except the not-having-sex-for-a-while part.
Today, I can't even tell you how tired and stupid I'm feeling. I'm not doing TKD... too depressing. I brought my "run on the treadmill" stuff instead.
