Okay, better
Sep. 3rd, 2004 08:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagonI can see happy from here and I don't have to squint too hard.
Yesterday morning was actually okay because I realized that while I was hunkered down in survival/endurance mode, most of the week had gone by already. But the really good part was getting our release out the door at work just before lunch. It must have been bothering me that it got pushed back a couple of days... because a big rock lifted off me and I could breathe again. So I had a good afternoon and went splashing with happy abandon through some cleanup chores that were left over from the project, until about 5:02 when I walked out the door. Ahhhhhhh. :)
Of course, that's when the HLM-related insecurity attack that started on Sunday fell back onto me. See, the thing with those is that I feel like we've already broken up and we're just going through the motions of normalcy for some reason (if you've ever done that in real life you know how wrenching and weird that can be). So if I'm having to work a lot, that's one thing, but a nice evening at home... I cracked and had to talk to him about it, because I was about to start bawling anyway. And of course then he laughed at me and it went away. I hate telling him about them because I know it disappoints and hurts him, but if I can't break out of it by myself it's hurting the relationship anyway. :( Luckily he can handle it, and we can handle it, and all is well again.
Bye until next time, you nasty phenomenon.
'k, off to more happy workies and then dinner at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ackroyd's.
Yesterday morning was actually okay because I realized that while I was hunkered down in survival/endurance mode, most of the week had gone by already. But the really good part was getting our release out the door at work just before lunch. It must have been bothering me that it got pushed back a couple of days... because a big rock lifted off me and I could breathe again. So I had a good afternoon and went splashing with happy abandon through some cleanup chores that were left over from the project, until about 5:02 when I walked out the door. Ahhhhhhh. :)
Of course, that's when the HLM-related insecurity attack that started on Sunday fell back onto me. See, the thing with those is that I feel like we've already broken up and we're just going through the motions of normalcy for some reason (if you've ever done that in real life you know how wrenching and weird that can be). So if I'm having to work a lot, that's one thing, but a nice evening at home... I cracked and had to talk to him about it, because I was about to start bawling anyway. And of course then he laughed at me and it went away. I hate telling him about them because I know it disappoints and hurts him, but if I can't break out of it by myself it's hurting the relationship anyway. :( Luckily he can handle it, and we can handle it, and all is well again.
Bye until next time, you nasty phenomenon.
'k, off to more happy workies and then dinner at
ackroyd's.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-09-03 07:05 am (UTC)I hear ya... at some of our worst moments, I start referring to our relationship in the 'if it were to end now' context, or worse yet, in the past tense. Though our insecurities differ, it gets manifested in the same outcome. Interesting.
bad pronouns...
Date: 2004-09-03 07:06 am (UTC)'our insecurities': yours and mine, flexy.
Re: bad pronouns...
Date: 2004-09-04 06:27 am (UTC)Glad you're not writhing in insecurity over me though... that'd be very very weird.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-03 02:18 pm (UTC)