Due diligence?

[flexagon]

Wow... here's a very spiritual view of the decision not to have children. Take out most of the Goddess-y stuff and that's exactly how I feel.

I read a huge swath of Our Bodies, Ourselves tonight... I have the '92 edition, and I found it very lacking in an explicitly childfree perspective, though it was certainly open to women making that choice. I bet that's changed. I read quite a lot about motherhood, and sex, and sterilization, and as always came away feeling like I'd gotten a big hug from someone wise. I am, you see, trying to do at least a bit of last-minute deep thinking on the whole issue. If I feel regret in 10 years, I'd rather at least be able to look back and remember I didn't do it too blithely. I fear it isn't working though. I've thought too much about it already... now I just keep drifting off into daydreams about Valium, which I've never had before and I'll get to have on Thursday before the procedure. Mmm, I've heard Valium is goooooood. I can't wait. :)

Comments

[artana.livejournal.com]

Hey,
I am glad you have made your decision and you're happy.

As for the quote though, I don't think it's denying anyone anything to say simply, it's not the same. I believed for a long time that all those things were equivalent. I truly did, since I wasn't looking to have kids (I wasn't preventing them either, it's just after three years I was beginning to be sure I was sterile and the thought wasn't bugging me. I just figured that it would come when it came if it did.). I have so many accomplishments, and I thought they really were the same, better, equal. Not sure. Then I had children...

I won't tell you that it lessens anything that is on that list. Pleasure, pride, and sense of accomplishment over things that you have managed to create and paths that you have chosen, none of that is made less by having kids. But, having children is different. That is all. It is a different sense of accomplishment, a different pleasure than any I have felt before, and a different pride. And in the end, it made me realize that that difference was something to cherish and to nurture and the other accomplishments are still there for me. I am still writing a book, I am still working on my certifications, my singing...

So, erm, yeah...not sure what I was trying to say with that. Maybe its because I follow the Goddess, and the Mother aspect does really truly describe a woman who has nurtured and raised children. Some women never have kids...they go from being maidens for much longer than most to being wise women...but, there is a reason that aspect is reserved for mothers. So, my little speech wasn't really to you at all, just to someone saying that you could substitute something else for that aspect of the Goddess.

I guess the other thing is that that particular religion is about the cycles of fertility of nature, and the power of women because they also follow cycles of fertility. If the cycles of nature and the cycles of a person's life, and the different stages of fertility, etc isn't something you see as holy and revere...then another religion would be better suited. It would be like walking into a Christian church and stating that you think that...erm...Joan of Arc is as good a Messiah as Christ. She suffered too...nevermind that the entire religion is based around Christ's sacrifice. Grrr...Okie...enough with the rant.

I hope it goes well for you and I'll be crossing my fingers.

[flexagon]

Yeah, I tend to agree with you that the childfree-but-dammit-I'm-doing-the-goddess-mother-thing is a little bit out there. That said, I'm not much of a Goddess person, and partly for that very emphasis on motherhood, so I really don't know what I'm talking about.

And in the end, it made me realize that that difference was something to cherish and to nurture and the other accomplishments are still there for me. I must respectfully point out that plants, animals, friends, parents, other people's children, the aged, and the community/environment as a whole can also be cherished and nurtured. I agree it isn't quite the same though. I do fully believe that with most people, the mother/child bond is stronger than any other and that it's rewarding in ways that don't make sense until you do it. All that is okay... I don't need to fully grok it to decide against it in this case, 50% understanding is quite enough. :)

Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful response. I am glad your path is rewarding to you and not cutting you off from developing yourself.