Bye-bye inlaws
Oct. 21st, 2004 10:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagonAhhhhhhh... they're gone. The house is quiet, nobody's itching to use this computer except me, I don't have to do silly social things like, say, being dressed beyond PJs as I type this. Most importantly, of course, I finally got an hour alone with my bug so we could make up for the last week of forced celibacy. :) I've had this tic going on in my left eyelid since last weekend, which has been driving me nuts, and it was a whole lot less twitchy today. A couple of decent nights of sleep and maybe it will go entirely away.
Various things I've forgotten to post:
* Someone else got fired from Politic Frog yesterday, and this time it was the QA manager--the person, ironically, who told me I had nothing to worry about as long as I was reporting to Tigger, since he's so good about working with people. (Now that Tigger has fired her, is she remembering that conversaton like I am?) However, it's hard to freak out since in all three firings I know of now, I also know significant work was put into them before they were let go... Tigger was coaching this woman weekly for a long time... and I did just have that really good performance review. No, clearly you can't slack off for months on end at this job, and you can't get away with being an asshole, but neither am I too worried at the moment.
* It's been a month since the tube plugging... and counting down.
* There was a really neat Rodin sculpture garden on the Stanford campus. I had never seen The Gates of Hell before (damn, pictures of it don't look right at all)... I hadn't even known The Thinker was just a part of a larger work. There was so much to look at in that sculpture I felt like an autistic... having to see and notice all the details. But we also got a picture of me licking the nose of one of the Burghers of Calais, so I guess my capacity for reverence was limited. Ah well. ;)
* I'm facing up to the idea of never getting my TKD black belt. Too tired of being injured, too tired of being told I can't test when others at the same level do, too sick of feeling like it's perfectly balanced between destructive and constructive (not okay for something that takes as much time as it does). I'm trying to convince myself that I should at least keep going until my membership runs out, and I probably will, but with that state of mind I don't see myself putting in tons of extra time and paying $450 just to take the black belt test. It's sad... I had really hoped the whole thing would speak to me, or at least that it would say more than "kick harder." But it doesn't. I'm not being guided on a journey of learning about myself, and I'm not even learning how to kill people. :b I think I want to do yoga. But I'd want to find someplace that was a) serious about the asanas and b) not claustrophobically crowded. And of course it'd be most cost-effective if I didn't find it until a year from now. However... I don't have to pay at TKD from now until the end. The question is really whether I can settle back into seeing it as cardio or if it's going to feel like humiliation again. If it's the latter, how seductively easy it would be to just... never... go back. It would be done. Over. And I'd still be a good person. Sheesh, I don't know if there's a real reason to hang in there for another year or not. Thoughts? Maybe I'm just not ready to go back, and should pony up a twenty to re-freeze for another few months?
Various things I've forgotten to post:
* Someone else got fired from Politic Frog yesterday, and this time it was the QA manager--the person, ironically, who told me I had nothing to worry about as long as I was reporting to Tigger, since he's so good about working with people. (Now that Tigger has fired her, is she remembering that conversaton like I am?) However, it's hard to freak out since in all three firings I know of now, I also know significant work was put into them before they were let go... Tigger was coaching this woman weekly for a long time... and I did just have that really good performance review. No, clearly you can't slack off for months on end at this job, and you can't get away with being an asshole, but neither am I too worried at the moment.
* It's been a month since the tube plugging... and counting down.
* There was a really neat Rodin sculpture garden on the Stanford campus. I had never seen The Gates of Hell before (damn, pictures of it don't look right at all)... I hadn't even known The Thinker was just a part of a larger work. There was so much to look at in that sculpture I felt like an autistic... having to see and notice all the details. But we also got a picture of me licking the nose of one of the Burghers of Calais, so I guess my capacity for reverence was limited. Ah well. ;)
* I'm facing up to the idea of never getting my TKD black belt. Too tired of being injured, too tired of being told I can't test when others at the same level do, too sick of feeling like it's perfectly balanced between destructive and constructive (not okay for something that takes as much time as it does). I'm trying to convince myself that I should at least keep going until my membership runs out, and I probably will, but with that state of mind I don't see myself putting in tons of extra time and paying $450 just to take the black belt test. It's sad... I had really hoped the whole thing would speak to me, or at least that it would say more than "kick harder." But it doesn't. I'm not being guided on a journey of learning about myself, and I'm not even learning how to kill people. :b I think I want to do yoga. But I'd want to find someplace that was a) serious about the asanas and b) not claustrophobically crowded. And of course it'd be most cost-effective if I didn't find it until a year from now. However... I don't have to pay at TKD from now until the end. The question is really whether I can settle back into seeing it as cardio or if it's going to feel like humiliation again. If it's the latter, how seductively easy it would be to just... never... go back. It would be done. Over. And I'd still be a good person. Sheesh, I don't know if there's a real reason to hang in there for another year or not. Thoughts? Maybe I'm just not ready to go back, and should pony up a twenty to re-freeze for another few months?
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oh yay!
Date: 2004-10-22 02:22 am (UTC)So, umm, I know I've probably read about this and should know the answer, but what is the 'counting down', counting down to? I'm guessing full effectiveness?
As for TKD, that's a really tough one. I took an extended break from Jiu Jitsu and never ended going back, and I've always felt a little bad about it. But if TKD is giving you what you want, then spending more money doesn't seem worth it. Have you thought about trying other martial arts? MIT has a ton. Then again ... I got to see you doing TKD ... and I've gotta say you looking pretty awesome. So in conclusion, I've got nuttin'. :-)
Re: oh yay!
Date: 2004-10-22 01:39 pm (UTC)TKD is indeed a tough one. Thanks for the reminder/encouragement that when it's good, it's good. :) I know it's a good workout, and if I stay for the next year I won't be putting in more money--they're money-hungry, so they have you pay for the 3-year program in your first two years, and then the last year is free. So theoretically I should stay. I just get pissed off when I think about actually unpacking the uniform and walking back in the door.
Re: oh yay!
Date: 2004-10-22 02:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-22 12:52 pm (UTC)BTW: In one of the remakes of the classic scary movies, it is used as a major plot point.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-22 01:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-22 01:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-23 10:28 pm (UTC)Do you mind sharing what your friend has been saying? What does it get you to be good at tai chi? What is it really?
no subject
Date: 2004-10-24 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-22 05:37 pm (UTC)As for TKD - I don't have any real advice. If you're doing it just to say you're a black belt, and not because you're enjoying the process, I can understand why you're not motivated. On the other hand, it seems like the TKD place you're going to is very commercialized. If you are more interested in TKD as a tool for personal development, then maybe you could look into another dojo. That way you wouldn't waste the effort you've already put in, but the experience would be more fulfilling. Or if you wanted to try something different, I know a couple of people doing a brazilian martial art, I forget the name but I think it's something like capoeira, and they absolutely love it. The dojo (or whatever the studio is called) is in Davis.
Yoga's cool too...there are a couple of studios around here, but I'm with you on not wanting a cattle call class atmosphere.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-23 10:25 pm (UTC)SIGH. :)
I don't know what i want anymore. Recently (physically) I've felt like resting more than usual overall. And I don't know if I need all this meaning and thought and angst attached to my workouts... it's easier without it. But then, you know, it's more meaningful with it. (Repeat same exact thoughts regarding work, sex, etc. Blah, all aspects of life are the same sometimes.) I just read about capoiera in some trendy mag recently... looks & sounds pretty, if I decide I'm interested in another martial art at all.
Oh well, I'll just bumble along and eventually I'll have to do something.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-25 01:11 pm (UTC)You'll figure out something...even if it's only by default.