Widowhood

[flexagon]

By the way, bluechromis, I've got one for you... one of those long-term pictures from my head about how my life will go. From studying financial planning I've always known the scary numbers about how much longer women live than men, and how (combined with the fact that men are usually ~5 years older than the women they marry) most women spend some time as widows. So, I've always assumed I would be a widow someday. And actually, my mental pictures of those years are happy ones. I know I would miss my husband terribly for a while (and if HLM were to die now it would be the tragedy of my lifetime, so don't go assuming I want to rush this scenario on its way), but I've always liked the idea of having that time to just do my own thing at the end of my life... live my own way, do what seems important to me and not be taking care of so many other living beings. I envision living somewhere small and rather beautiful, and perhaps writing a lot.

I know this is sort of optimistic, since all kinds of things can conspire to keep people from enjoying their old age, but it's definitely a picture in my head. So there you go. It seems easier somehow to imagine old age than middle age, since (for one thing) I don't have to bother imagining things like what I'll do for a living, and whether my or HLM's parents will still be alive. As far as sort of near term, I still have an incredibly hard time picturing anything more than 3 years in the future.

Comments

[bluechromis.livejournal.com]

I could see that...being a satisfied and fulfilled widow I mean. I've seen some very cool old ladies who seem very comfortable with their husbandless lives. I have also seen some extremely lonely people. I think a lot depends on how well you build your social network outside of your marriage. I've always pictured very close friendships between my husband and myself and other couples. If I have kids that'd be absolutely essential for sanity, and later on in life I think it'd be fun to travel with people, start a bridge club, play shuffleboard, all that happenin' crap.

When I think of the future I rarely think that far ahead though...I suppose that's a lot less concrete for me, since I'm not married.

[flexagon]

Actually, I've had the picture of the happy old widow in my head since long before I met HLM. And I'm not at all sure he'll be my final husband (nothing is wrong at all, but again, look at the numbers... and I could be with him for 20-30 years and still be plenty young enough to remarry).

Too much exposure to the poem "When I Am An Old Woman" when I was small, I suspect. :)

[artana.livejournal.com]

Wow, I wish I had goals that far ahead.:)

Me, I just kinda picture owning a house. Then a boat. I want a chain of little goals. For self-fulfillment, I want to see myself doing Habitats for Humanity and maybe some off shore charity work when my kids are out of the house.

Oh, and I want to blacksmith.

[flexagon]

See, that medium-term stuff is what I'm lacking. I do want to turn this condo into something beautiful, and that will take a few years. But everything else? Pah, I have no idea what I want to do.

It's so easy to churn along just doing this year's thing.