flexagon | Not sitting on my ass

I had yesterday off and have been using the time to basically be as brave as possible, cleaning up some loose ends that have been loose for (it feels like) forever. I called my doctor so they can look again at a long-standing problem, and quit one of my club memberships. Called an electrician about adding a circuit to the kitchen. And I made up an ad for my tae kwon do sparring equipment and sent it off to

apfelsingail for posting at my old school... because it takes up space, but also because I realized I got rid of my wedding dress more quickly after the wedding than I've managed to ditch my TKD stuff, and that just scared me.

One thing to be clear about, while I'm on this topic: the yoga thing is going to work out fine. And

miyyu's last post reminded me of something I haven't confessed yet... I've wanted to do yoga since even before I wanted to be a martial artist! I have books on it. I've been messing around with it, sporadically, since I was about twelve, fer chrissake. Even when I thought I'd get my black belt in TKD, I assumed I'd end up doing yoga eventually (which I guess explains the Yoga Journal subscription). The only thing that's kept me from giving it a serious try sooner is fear... fear that it wouldn't be what I hoped for, thus trashing my best hope of finding a mind/body discipline that I like. And what the hell kind of stupid attitude is that? Enough. It ends here, now, yesterday.

I've also printed out a manuscript draft of my best story to send a publisher which, unlike Asimov's, won't balk at its lesbian characters. I've been lazy as hell about getting it published, because I'm so cynical about the writing scene, but I read it again today and it made me cry... it's really a good story. It deserves to be out there. And so I will invest another stamp.

I can't explain this whirlwind of getting my act together except to say I've been thinking a lot about choices. Realizing that I live a very streamlined life, with a LOT of time tied up in my job and in physical fitness. These choices are blocking me from having a lot of time to invest in other things I'd like to do (piano lessons, to name one thing), and I can accept that in tradeoff for the joy of running full-out along this path. However, I want to live this life. I don't want long lists of undone things hanging around snarling up my brain. And so what I'm doing right now is using this small gift of a long weekend to snip a bunch of strings.