flexagon | Let the ant-shaving begin!

Another list. This one is from Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans, which is a humor collection put out by McSweeney's. I've tried to avoid the whole Eggers/McSweeney's thing because the literary pretentiousness sort of makes me retch, but now that I've subscribed to Wholphin and I have this book I'm not sure how pure I can claim to be. Trouble is, Wholphin is really cool, and the lists in this book are pure genius. This one, my favorite, is by Marshall Salla.

SEVERAL PHRASES THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN UTTERED IN HUMAN HISTORY

"Look out, God -- behind You!"

"Nothing's the same since Julie started those wars."

"The New World has that New World smell."

"We, the jury, find the defendant as cute as a button."

"Shoot him again, Mr. President. He doesn't mind."

"Yummy plague!"

"I claim this land in the name of Phyllis T. Brunell."

"Let the ant-shaving begin!"

"No man is so tall as when he stoops to help a child kill."

"That was no lady, that was Iraq."

Along the same lines, and also in this collection, is the list INFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS by Justin Dobbs, featuring "But how do you get it to float next to the VCR?" and "Can I top off your warm salt water?" But it's not as good and I've probably shared enough.