This may not flow very well
May. 2nd, 2018 10:26 pmI've been feeling... mute, lately. Unable to say anything, because I haven't been doing anything, really, except waiting and feeling powerless while keeping my usual routines going. And I was wondering what hope is supposed to be all about -- is that a positive emotion? Because I understand happy confidence as a thing that's positive and energizing, but "hope" to me always follows "last shred of", and it's basically the thing that keeps me plodding along and feeling like I can't give up and be done with a situation yet. I'm pretty sure it's just ambiguity in a pretty disguise, in other words, and that I hate it.
Because I am a hope-hating grump-face.
This post is not destined to be a total downer, though. Handstands, for one thing: I set two records in the last two days! Last night I pressed off an 8-inch height, and tonight I held a handstand for 1:15 in class. My body in general seems cooperative, lately. Tonight I was super tired from handstands, but nailed a neat new "swing up to swandive" trick in acro anyway (and got to do 3-highs, too).
It looks like I get to be in the student show in the fall with two of my friends, so that's exciting. I haven't performed in ages, and I like the idea of focusing on something for a while instead of the group-class randomness. Yeah, even though class tonight was fun.
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heisenbug got turned down on Monday for a job he really wanted, and that was a definite hit. I'd been... well, hoping. Still, it seems fair to note that the other two major ambiguities in my life are settling: I think it's known who norwoodbridge is dating, and Lioness has for the moment turned down both the out-of-state job offers she had, so she and Lion are probably not moving (though I remain emotionally numb on this topic: can't feel it, can't relax, it's not over. Waiting for a signed offer letter.)
Weird communication has been had, and then smoothed out, with at least two people.
Shit people say at the gym: "You're that acrobat, aren't you? You do crazy things, on your fingers." Yes, I suppose I am. I suppose I do.
I have my period. Sleepy. Going to take my bloody self off to bed now.
Silence broken, at any rate.
Because I am a hope-hating grump-face.
This post is not destined to be a total downer, though. Handstands, for one thing: I set two records in the last two days! Last night I pressed off an 8-inch height, and tonight I held a handstand for 1:15 in class. My body in general seems cooperative, lately. Tonight I was super tired from handstands, but nailed a neat new "swing up to swandive" trick in acro anyway (and got to do 3-highs, too).
It looks like I get to be in the student show in the fall with two of my friends, so that's exciting. I haven't performed in ages, and I like the idea of focusing on something for a while instead of the group-class randomness. Yeah, even though class tonight was fun.
heisenbug got turned down on Monday for a job he really wanted, and that was a definite hit. I'd been... well, hoping. Still, it seems fair to note that the other two major ambiguities in my life are settling: I think it's known who norwoodbridge is dating, and Lioness has for the moment turned down both the out-of-state job offers she had, so she and Lion are probably not moving (though I remain emotionally numb on this topic: can't feel it, can't relax, it's not over. Waiting for a signed offer letter.) Weird communication has been had, and then smoothed out, with at least two people.
Shit people say at the gym: "You're that acrobat, aren't you? You do crazy things, on your fingers." Yes, I suppose I am. I suppose I do.
I have my period. Sleepy. Going to take my bloody self off to bed now.
Silence broken, at any rate.
