R e s t (and grudges)
May. 22nd, 2019 11:38 amMy brain can't handle thinking about the span of my time off -- either it doesn't seem real, or I panic thinking about the end of it, and neither of these is useful -- so I find myself taking one day at a time. Doing things like walking home from circus school with a lot of little detours along the way (for outdoor handstands, and a pastry from Forge, and a couple of things from the hardware store that I need for a handstand cane). Or when I'm at home and I intended to walk to the vet to pick up some fluids for Nala, but a summer rain shower appears, to just read in my Lovesac in the bay window until it stops raining, and then go. Or when I'm installing new window blinds, to not hurry and just do one piece at a time, nice and easy, taking time to vaccuum up the wood shavings after the part with the power drill is done.
I get twitchy and then force myself to relax.
I'm also caught up with all my people, after what felt like an absence on another planet. Lion got back from a business trip, and I got to see him on Monday night and there was so much dopamine (sure, talk to me about your work stress, whatever, talk about anything for as long as you want, I am busy sniffing your neck). And I went down to RI to stay overnight with![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
norwoodbridge, and NOT go away exhausted on the early train in the morning but instead bop around Providence getting breakfast on a lovely spring day, and there were snuggles and also so much dopamine. We agreed we've been benignly neglecting each other a little bit, so it felt good to talk about things and have sex and so on. I'll probably see his kids on June 1, and he wants to tell them I'm married before that, even though I'm happy to tell them myself. So that's progress. (Also I got to sniff his neck.)
I read a kind of interesting Smarter Living column, where the author asks everyone what their pet grudge is, and everyone seems to have an answer. I spent some time thinking about grudges and concluded I don't really hold them? There are plenty of people I don't trust to have certain competencies, some of whom I'm wary around, but not many who I have continued ill will or malice toward. I thought of my dad, and the Noid, and Four-Leaf, but, eh... I don't really want bad things to happen to them now. The best I could come up with was my ex-TL from ten years ago. Every time I am contacted by a recruiter from his company I say "No, I won't work there as long as Firstname Lastname is still there", which is definitely a dig I don't have to take. So maybe that's a grudge I hold, though lazily. Do you keep grudges?
I get twitchy and then force myself to relax.
I'm also caught up with all my people, after what felt like an absence on another planet. Lion got back from a business trip, and I got to see him on Monday night and there was so much dopamine (sure, talk to me about your work stress, whatever, talk about anything for as long as you want, I am busy sniffing your neck). And I went down to RI to stay overnight with
norwoodbridge, and NOT go away exhausted on the early train in the morning but instead bop around Providence getting breakfast on a lovely spring day, and there were snuggles and also so much dopamine. We agreed we've been benignly neglecting each other a little bit, so it felt good to talk about things and have sex and so on. I'll probably see his kids on June 1, and he wants to tell them I'm married before that, even though I'm happy to tell them myself. So that's progress. (Also I got to sniff his neck.)I read a kind of interesting Smarter Living column, where the author asks everyone what their pet grudge is, and everyone seems to have an answer. I spent some time thinking about grudges and concluded I don't really hold them? There are plenty of people I don't trust to have certain competencies, some of whom I'm wary around, but not many who I have continued ill will or malice toward. I thought of my dad, and the Noid, and Four-Leaf, but, eh... I don't really want bad things to happen to them now. The best I could come up with was my ex-TL from ten years ago. Every time I am contacted by a recruiter from his company I say "No, I won't work there as long as Firstname Lastname is still there", which is definitely a dig I don't have to take. So maybe that's a grudge I hold, though lazily. Do you keep grudges?
