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So I flew to Washington DC last night, and back this morning to attend my cousin G's celebration of life. Logistically everything went perfectly to plan, my outfit was cute, and I got to support my other cousin (G's sister J). I got to say hi to one more cousin, and an uncle and aunt that I know (G's parents), all of whom thanked me for coming and seemed briefly happy to see me. Also, a first, I stayed in a capsule hostel and quite enjoyed my capsule.
It was a hell of a demonstration of "chosen family" though.
I'll let my mother speak on this topic: [G's parents] are very conservative.... Both are staunch teetotalers. As you know, both G and J gravitated to professions in what I call the nightlife. I think that caused quite a bit of friction with their parents. The celebration of life is being planned by J, and appears to be a farewell party for G held by all his friends, at a bar (likely his former place of employment). This is not the sort of memorial service that [G's parents] will feel comfortable at, although of course they'll be there. And this stick-up-the-ass quality is why G's dad asked his own siblings not to come, and indeed part of why they did not.
Well, if my uncle wanted to isolate himself, he succeeded. Mostly, over a hundred of G's friends mobbed near a bar, and across a large and empty dance floor huddled the tiny contingent of relatives mentioned already. But none of these played any part in the ceremony, which meant that all the talks/speeches were from my own generation, and aside from J they were all from close friends rather than blood relatives. It's clear that G had struggles with some form of addiction over the years, but not always, and that he was both extremely smart and tremendously generous. A good friend to people, who would do their yardwork as well as getting up to various highjinks. Everyone had been happy to see him discover marriage and fatherhood before bone cancer got him. I have to wonder... did my uncle learn a few things about his son, from those speeches? Like how very much he was loved, how much good there was in him? G and J grew up miserable in that home, like I did in mine; it was them against the world, and they lived together for most of their 20s and 30s.
I am hoping not to get so many accolades -- as readers might know, my plan is to outlive all my people so I can tuck them in properly before slipping away myself. But if I should indeed die young, I hope I have someone like J, who will start off her speech with: "It is a tragedy when anyone dies. But it's particularly heart-rending when someone hot dies."
It was a hell of a demonstration of "chosen family" though.
I'll let my mother speak on this topic: [G's parents] are very conservative.... Both are staunch teetotalers. As you know, both G and J gravitated to professions in what I call the nightlife. I think that caused quite a bit of friction with their parents. The celebration of life is being planned by J, and appears to be a farewell party for G held by all his friends, at a bar (likely his former place of employment). This is not the sort of memorial service that [G's parents] will feel comfortable at, although of course they'll be there. And this stick-up-the-ass quality is why G's dad asked his own siblings not to come, and indeed part of why they did not.
Well, if my uncle wanted to isolate himself, he succeeded. Mostly, over a hundred of G's friends mobbed near a bar, and across a large and empty dance floor huddled the tiny contingent of relatives mentioned already. But none of these played any part in the ceremony, which meant that all the talks/speeches were from my own generation, and aside from J they were all from close friends rather than blood relatives. It's clear that G had struggles with some form of addiction over the years, but not always, and that he was both extremely smart and tremendously generous. A good friend to people, who would do their yardwork as well as getting up to various highjinks. Everyone had been happy to see him discover marriage and fatherhood before bone cancer got him. I have to wonder... did my uncle learn a few things about his son, from those speeches? Like how very much he was loved, how much good there was in him? G and J grew up miserable in that home, like I did in mine; it was them against the world, and they lived together for most of their 20s and 30s.
I am hoping not to get so many accolades -- as readers might know, my plan is to outlive all my people so I can tuck them in properly before slipping away myself. But if I should indeed die young, I hope I have someone like J, who will start off her speech with: "It is a tragedy when anyone dies. But it's particularly heart-rending when someone hot dies."
