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flexagonI've slowly realized that my last 3 posts contain MIT nostalgia. Scary... that's so (usually) not me. I so much prefer to be involved in the present and looking toward the future. And oh, how many things I don't miss about those days -- they're not even worth listing.
I went out to coffee today with, um, the person who used to be my boss, and then was my boss's boss after Silver Fox was put between us, and then following some Colubriddish reshuffling has become not even in my management chain. Big, influential person though. He hired me. We'll call him TopCat. It took some nerve for me to ask to go to coffee with him, but I wanted to get back on his radar screen. I want to be seen as #2 for leadership in my group and have been acting that way already (insinuating myself into project meetings and so forth), not so much for self-promotion but also so that I, personally, will have some slight grasp of the larger picture when Dan the Cat eventually leaves us. I think that if he were to leave tomorrow I would take over a lot of the inter-group communication and stuff, sort of de facto, but I'd be flailing and there would be tons of stuff I wouldn't know, and it would be a horribly stressful thing.
TopCat likes to mentor (as I knew), and he ended up talking to me about various career paths I could be thinking about. He sees me having to think about management vs. continued technical stuff a little sooner than I would like to think about it... we'll see what circumstance brings. I have so very much enjoyed being a leaf node on the organization chart... just a little leaf, being leafy in the shelter of wonderful group leaders. Now I feel the almost panicky urge to be ready for when the last of that protection is stripped away, and maybe to get a little new protection by enlisting Silver Fox as a mentor in this regard. TopCat is urging me to talk to Silver Fox about some smallish project that 1-2 other people are working on and that I could be the team lead for, and that's probably a good idea. Another um... opportunity for growth... yeah. :/
As I've been geeking out lately I keep realizing that although I'm nothing special as a programmer and analytic thinker, I do really enjoy it. I just also enjoy some of the higher-level tasks. Basically, I want it all... I want to be a team lead and have deep technical understanding... I want to be a thinner, female blonde version of Dan the Cat,1 or S-boy or someone like that. Not because I'm so great -- if I were just going to do what I'm good at I'd probably be an editor or something -- but just because it looks fun. Or like it would be if I had the actual skill to back up some self-confidence there.
One annoying thing is being almost 30 and still feeling like I'm just getting started at everything... I'm still seen as a bright young thing who has lots of potential to develop into something. Gah! When do I actually become something!?
1On that note, one interesting thing TopCat said in our lunch is that DtC hasn't always been the rather stellar group leader he is now, but rather that they are new skills from the last 2-3 years when TopCat started putting him in positions to start learning those skills. That's not the first hint I've heard that what I know is a newish, improved DtC, and it's good. That means maybe there's hope for the rest of us.
I went out to coffee today with, um, the person who used to be my boss, and then was my boss's boss after Silver Fox was put between us, and then following some Colubriddish reshuffling has become not even in my management chain. Big, influential person though. He hired me. We'll call him TopCat. It took some nerve for me to ask to go to coffee with him, but I wanted to get back on his radar screen. I want to be seen as #2 for leadership in my group and have been acting that way already (insinuating myself into project meetings and so forth), not so much for self-promotion but also so that I, personally, will have some slight grasp of the larger picture when Dan the Cat eventually leaves us. I think that if he were to leave tomorrow I would take over a lot of the inter-group communication and stuff, sort of de facto, but I'd be flailing and there would be tons of stuff I wouldn't know, and it would be a horribly stressful thing.
TopCat likes to mentor (as I knew), and he ended up talking to me about various career paths I could be thinking about. He sees me having to think about management vs. continued technical stuff a little sooner than I would like to think about it... we'll see what circumstance brings. I have so very much enjoyed being a leaf node on the organization chart... just a little leaf, being leafy in the shelter of wonderful group leaders. Now I feel the almost panicky urge to be ready for when the last of that protection is stripped away, and maybe to get a little new protection by enlisting Silver Fox as a mentor in this regard. TopCat is urging me to talk to Silver Fox about some smallish project that 1-2 other people are working on and that I could be the team lead for, and that's probably a good idea. Another um... opportunity for growth... yeah. :/
As I've been geeking out lately I keep realizing that although I'm nothing special as a programmer and analytic thinker, I do really enjoy it. I just also enjoy some of the higher-level tasks. Basically, I want it all... I want to be a team lead and have deep technical understanding... I want to be a thinner, female blonde version of Dan the Cat,1 or S-boy or someone like that. Not because I'm so great -- if I were just going to do what I'm good at I'd probably be an editor or something -- but just because it looks fun. Or like it would be if I had the actual skill to back up some self-confidence there.
One annoying thing is being almost 30 and still feeling like I'm just getting started at everything... I'm still seen as a bright young thing who has lots of potential to develop into something. Gah! When do I actually become something!?
1On that note, one interesting thing TopCat said in our lunch is that DtC hasn't always been the rather stellar group leader he is now, but rather that they are new skills from the last 2-3 years when TopCat started putting him in positions to start learning those skills. That's not the first hint I've heard that what I know is a newish, improved DtC, and it's good. That means maybe there's hope for the rest of us.
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Date: 2006-06-29 12:17 pm (UTC)Anyway, as far as you being 30 and having potential...darling the other option is to be 30 and be done with having potential. I'm sure there are plenty, I would venture say a lot more than you realize, of young'uns who look up to you - but you aren't being led by them, you aren't mentioning discussions with them - if you did I bet they'd have a very different view of you. Someday we are all going to have no one above us (well, for practical purposes, you know what I mean) and I'm not looking forward to that.
PS. Ha, like I'm going to let you get away with I keep realizing that although I'm nothing special as a programmer and analytic thinker...puhlease - has going to MIT and returning to the world at large taught you nothing? You may not be the very top person you've ever met in the field, but you ARE something special in the grand scheme of things - have you SEEN the average developer's work?
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Date: 2006-07-01 07:56 pm (UTC)Anyway, as far as you being 30 and having potential...darling the other option is to be 30 and be done with having potential.
That was the goal. ;) Since I've failed, though, it's time to set a new one... COMPLETE STAGNATION BY 35 OR BUST!!!