Everything
Sep. 10th, 2006 07:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagonThis morning I just felt lonely. Last night was weird, ranging from playing Scrabble (ZIT with Z on a triple-letter score for 32!) to hearing about a not-especially-close friend's childhood traumas. It's always hard to express the right amount of one's own story (to assure the person you don't think they're messed up more than you can handle, if they have expressed that they are thinking this) while avoiding a pissing match (sexually abused, huh? well my dad used to tell me he'd kill himself because of me, so nyehh) but I tried. It was a definite reminder that everyone is generally in the middle of fighting their own all-consuming battle and we may as well be nice to one another. At the same time it leaves me wondering what's the point of interacting if everyone is so tied up with their own thing anyway -- I know, I know it isn't as bad as that, but some mornings I sure feel like it is. Especially when I'm tied up enough in my thing to realize that I'm part of the problem.
I've also been having a lot of thoughts about how unfortunately good people are at pattern-matching. We can't see three points that happen to lie along a line without seeing the line, although an infinite number of curves may pass through those 3 points. We can't go through something bad and random without trying to learn a coherent lesson from it. No wonder we believe in God and gods and astrology and spirits and fate, anything that will help turn the noise of our lives into a pattern we can believe. All of us are like that guy in A Beautiful Mind, the events of life are largely white noise, and we just HATE that so we try to make things fit.
There's been tons of work-drama in the last week. Part of it is good; as of Friday we have a new boss's boss who I will call Head Llama, a person from the old Politic Frog who many of us really like and respect, and who understands the analytics behind all our stuff. It's already caused a palpable culture change: there's a hopeful feeling again. On the very depressing side, though, TBC gave his notice on Friday. Two more weeks and he goes off to write Lisp for ITA. :( And on a tangent, something in me is still squirming at his deciding he was "underpaid" at Colubrid after getting a few offers... he was making $90K, so underpaid compared to what... enough to live on? no... enough for four people to live on? no... compared to the rest of the world? no. The market is hot right now and offers are high, that's all. I wish people could just take the money without getting all full of themselves, and without getting pickier and pickier about what already is a great job by most measures.
Happily, I was strong at the gym today, maybe because yesterday I wasn't. My L-sits on the dip bars are definitely getting longer (I mean, they exist now, so that goes without saying). After lifting weights I went over to a corner to obsess about jumping through a straddle to handstand, and an aerobics step is definitely my new best friend on that front... I put the step so that I could have my feet on it, my hands on the floor and a wall another 18 inches in front of my hands. With four risers under the step, I was able to do the move for the first time, and after getting the feeling down a little bit I was able to go down to 3 risers and then 2. I assume I'm still a long way from doing one on the floor, but still I'm happy with today's work. I took a break from stretching since for the last few days I've just felt like I'm aggravating my muscles and they need a rest.
It's nice to have this evening alone. I often like to tell![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
heisenbug I practice witchcraft in his absence, but the truth is I'm programming and listening to a Pandora station based on "The Niles Edge". It's pulling up things like Bella Morte and Morrissey that are good for feeling washed-out to.
I've also been having a lot of thoughts about how unfortunately good people are at pattern-matching. We can't see three points that happen to lie along a line without seeing the line, although an infinite number of curves may pass through those 3 points. We can't go through something bad and random without trying to learn a coherent lesson from it. No wonder we believe in God and gods and astrology and spirits and fate, anything that will help turn the noise of our lives into a pattern we can believe. All of us are like that guy in A Beautiful Mind, the events of life are largely white noise, and we just HATE that so we try to make things fit.
There's been tons of work-drama in the last week. Part of it is good; as of Friday we have a new boss's boss who I will call Head Llama, a person from the old Politic Frog who many of us really like and respect, and who understands the analytics behind all our stuff. It's already caused a palpable culture change: there's a hopeful feeling again. On the very depressing side, though, TBC gave his notice on Friday. Two more weeks and he goes off to write Lisp for ITA. :( And on a tangent, something in me is still squirming at his deciding he was "underpaid" at Colubrid after getting a few offers... he was making $90K, so underpaid compared to what... enough to live on? no... enough for four people to live on? no... compared to the rest of the world? no. The market is hot right now and offers are high, that's all. I wish people could just take the money without getting all full of themselves, and without getting pickier and pickier about what already is a great job by most measures.
Happily, I was strong at the gym today, maybe because yesterday I wasn't. My L-sits on the dip bars are definitely getting longer (I mean, they exist now, so that goes without saying). After lifting weights I went over to a corner to obsess about jumping through a straddle to handstand, and an aerobics step is definitely my new best friend on that front... I put the step so that I could have my feet on it, my hands on the floor and a wall another 18 inches in front of my hands. With four risers under the step, I was able to do the move for the first time, and after getting the feeling down a little bit I was able to go down to 3 risers and then 2. I assume I'm still a long way from doing one on the floor, but still I'm happy with today's work. I took a break from stretching since for the last few days I've just felt like I'm aggravating my muscles and they need a rest.
It's nice to have this evening alone. I often like to tell
heisenbug I practice witchcraft in his absence, but the truth is I'm programming and listening to a Pandora station based on "The Niles Edge". It's pulling up things like Bella Morte and Morrissey that are good for feeling washed-out to.
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-10 11:25 pm (UTC)and yeah, i've never been able to articulate that really frustrating challenge of letting somebody know you relate to their problems without making it all about your own.