Beautiful Stranger

[flexagon]

I failed to get Beautiful Stranger in the mail in time for the retreat, which is probably just as well, since I would have gobbled it down on the plane and ended up leaving it in Mexico. miyyu posted about it a while ago and I had promised to share my thoughts when I read it... so here they are. (You can read miyyu's very good description of the book, about a young woman obsessed with beauty and cosmetic surgery, on her post.) I've been diagnosed with OCD and I've had minor cosmetic surgery (totally unrelated things for me, as far as I know) so I guess she thought I'd have some perspective or something.

I thought the most poignant scene was when, in college for becoming an anchorwoman, the narrator Hope was told not to expect to coast by on her looks. She had planned to do exactly that, she admits, "not because I was vain or lazy but because I thought my looks were the only thing I had to offer the world". I actually understand that very well. Once upon a time, I planned to coast by on my book-smarts because I thought that was all I had to offer the world. I think it can take a long time to realize that we're all package deals, and we all have some brains and some beauty and some people skills, etc, all of which we can use to our advantage. Just, um, some things more than others. :)

That's probably the deepest thought I got out of the book; I was one of the few who might have liked more detail on the many surgeries Hope had, as I found that pretty fascinating. As expected, I had some mixed feelings about the easy access she found to all those surgical procedures. I am all in favor of people being able to transform themselves as they like, and in fact I feel pretty strongly about that -- enough that, if you pushed me really hard, I'd probably admit to being a transhumanist. I think it's neat that we have technology to do more of that self-transformation than we once could, at least in the realms of the physical and medical. On the other hand, the idea of a doctor purposely making a patient feel insecure about her looks in order to tempt her into more procedures just makes me queasy. For example, there was a scene early in the book where the doctor talked Hope into a "two for one" deal on procedures when she was already checked in for one procedure. No way should any responsible doctor do that. Even taking (drastic / surgical) action on a decision reached in, say, the last 24 hours, is a bit iffy in my book. A good doctor (like, for example, the nice man who did my sterilization) should make sure the patient has thought the decision through and really wants it before he does a) any cutting or b) anything permanent.

Last and least, and somewhat coincidentally, the book definitely reminded me what a thrill it really is to make permanent physical changes. I was already making plans to get my armpits laser-treated when I read it, and now I'm looking forward to that just a little bit more.* Still no tattoo plans though... I just can't ever decide on a design. And as a side note, geez, how many permanent things I have had done! I've lived a pretty normal life, and yet I can list these: pierced ears, braces, wisdom teeth removal, belly button ring piercing, corrugator resection**, sterilization. Oh, and a couple of mole removals. I have plenty of friends who've had LASIK, appendectomies and all kinds of other things. We all transform ourselves every day just by what we eat and what we do, but it's also become normal to be a lot more dramatic than that. :) I'd be curious to read other people's lists in the comments, if anyone feels brave enough and can remember everything!

* Lest this post ignite a fiery comment-war about armpit hair: I don't care one way or the other about having armpit hair, really. I tried not shaving for a while last fall and I liked it just fine. I even liked the sort of androgenous look it gave me... thought I looked kind of tough. Society, however, does care, and I just don't care about my not-caring enough to make a giant statement about it, which means I'm going to do the easy thing and save my fightin' energy for other issues. I would like to go back to not-shaving, though. Not shaving is nice.

** A procedure that cuts the muscles that pull the eyebrows together. I used to have a single, really deep crease between my eyes at all times. It made me look much more stressed/angry than I was. I still have a little wrinkle, much shallower; the muscles managed to knit back together, but less efficiently, changing my wrinkle pattern. My emotions are portrayed better on my face now, I think.

Comments

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

Hmmm.... that didn't work out very well. Let me try to comment again. I like to think of people as being like cicadas or like snakes: that is to say capable of shedding their skins and starting over fresh, both psychic and physical.

I don't mind permanent physical transformations. I've got several tattoos and have had the usual assortment of moles removed, braces on teeth, and wisdom teeth removed. I'd love to have the LASIC done, but I'm not sure I'd be able to get that relaxed.

Have you read Look at Me by Jennifer Egan? It's fiction, but it involves some of the transformation issues that you bring up.

[nahele-101.livejournal.com]

i'm all for being able to alter self as well, within reason. people who body dismorphic disorders (M. Jackson?) and tend to be mentally a lil' off don't seem to benefit from plastic surgery.

for me personally, i don't give a rats ass if a woman shaves or not. hell, in the past i dated a girl who did "hairy girl" porn. she got paid a lot of money to NOT shave. guess there is a big market out there for that.

i'd love to not have to shave my face. i hate doing that.

anyways, i like your posts.

:)

[miyyu.livejournal.com]

That part of the book really struck me too, because that was the moment when I realized that her problem had nothing to do with self-indulgence and everything to do with self-image. What did you think of her mother? I was surprised that she's managed to make peace with her mother. She's a bigger person that I would be under the circumstances. When that family "friend" was expressing sexual interest in her and she just wanted to scream out "What is the matter, you as my parents are supposed to PROTECT me from this!" -- that made me unable to forgive her.

As for my own body transformations... Hm. Braces as a teenager. Contact lenses at 15, and glasses well before that. That was the biggest transformatioin because I could finally see. My vision was so bad and I hadn't realized it so the change felt, and still does, miraculous. I've had 9 piercings, 7 of which I still have -- four ear helixes, two earlobes, one tragus (part of your ear), one eybrow, and a nose piercing. I still have the scars from the missing two and I miss them both terribly. Sometimes I still think they are there. I've also had a few moles removed and I want LASIK desperately but I've got to work up the nerve, plus the facility I want to go to refuses to do the procedure on anyone under thirty. That gives me 2 1/2 more years to get brave.

I think of my hair as transformative too. I used to have extremely straight long hair and I cut it so short all at once that it was shaved in the back. (I'm sure I talked to you about this.) It felt extraordinarily liberating both physically and psychologically and my hair's been quite short ever since.

[apfelsingail.livejournal.com]

Wait, they won't do LASIK if you're under 30? That's silly- every eye doctor I've talked to has agreed that it's important your prescription have been stable for at least a couple of years, but they've never set an age limit.

I actually have a LASIK consultation on Wednesday, so I'll likely be adding that to my list of body transformations. Contacts at 16, glasses before that. I've had eight piercings, seven ear, one nose ring; two of the ear piercings have closed up. Wisdom teeth removed. I think I've found my tattoo design, but I'm going to wait a while before actually doing it. I don't know if it counts, but I did need some facial surgery when I was five or six- had a bad encounter with a dog. 67+ stitches in my face. Ouch.

[miyyu.livejournal.com]

I could be a bit incorrect on the LASIK thing. They told me that their general rule of thumb is 30 because many people don't have stable prescriptions for several years in a row before then, but sometimes they can do it sooner. I told them about my vision and they said because I'm still having changes that it was best to wait until I'm 29 or 30. This wasn't an official consult either, this was at the consult for my husband, it was more of a ballpark idea.

My husband had LASIK done and it was some of the best money we've ever spent. If I were religious, I would say it was a miracle what they were able to do for him. He went from nearly legally blind to 20/15 vision and has had no problems at all since the surgery other than occasional dry eye. Good luck with yours -- I hope it is just as wonderful for you.

[bluechromis.livejournal.com]

I had lasik done when I was 21, my roommate had it when she was 24, and J had it when he was 27, so it is definitely not age restricted (also, I had it done by one of the pioneers of the technique, so presumably he wasn't playing fast and loose). I am pretty sure it has more to do with how long your prescription has been stable.

I'm now 7 years out from having it done (yowza btw), had my first eye exam in about 6 years this past summer, and my vision has gone to about 20/30, instead of the 20/15 I had post-surgery. I totally know what you mean in terms of it being a miracle, that is exactly how I felt. I was similar to your husband; I had -9 prescriptions and astigmatism, had been wearing glasses since I was about 5, and it really seemed miraculous that in 15 minutes I could fix all that. It was actually when I woke up the next morning and realized that I no longer needed to worry about glasses or contacts that it hit me fully. I also don't have any after effects, except for some minor dry eye.

I hope your prescription stabilizes soon, fingers crossed.

Friend?

[islenskr.livejournal.com]

Actually, I found you through comments on keithlard's journal...Your journal is very intriguing! May I friend you?

Re: Friend?

[flexagon]

Thanks, and you may! I just added you back. Your poor Moira though, oh man... so sad. Give her a head-rub for me. :_(

[bluechromis.livejournal.com]

I remember Miyyu posting about the book, and now that you've reminded me about it, any chance I could borrow it?

Let's see...
Glasses, Contacts, Lasik
Braces (only on the front 4 teeth, which looked very weird, but luckily was only for 6 months)
Appendectomy
Pancreas/Spleen/SI resection
Mole Removal
Piercings (4 ear and bb which I still have, tongue and nipples which are gone)
Various hair colorings (blue, red, pink)
Tattoos (2)

Wow, that list makes me sound a lot more wild than I actually am, I think.

In the future I reserve the right to get a nose job, a boob job, and a tummy tuck. I don't think I'd do anything else surgical, but I don't think there's anything wrong with surgery, in the absence of BDD, so I wouldn't be shocked if I changed my mind either. The two for one deal you mentioned is so creepy - it's exactly the sort of thing that gives plastic surgery a bad rap.

[flexagon]

Wild child! Yes. Sorry, if I had remembered you wanted to borrow it I'd've brought it over today. I just put it with the Ariel Levy book so I have a little "lend to bluechromis stack; want anything else while I'm stacking? :)

I hereby reserve the right to get a face lift and possibly eyelid tuck when I'm older, just in case.