The nth roots of unity are evenly spaced around a unit circle on the real/imaginary plane

[flexagon]

"Life seems to be offering you so much of what you dream of, if only you could touch it."

Yes.

"Beware of a false lack of confidence."

Huh?

It hasn't been a great week for hearing things correctly. I was out at dinner last night after yoga when I swear I heard someone say "downdog.xml"... down dog dot XML, like a filename. But there's no way anyone said that; I'm sure I heard that because I'm a yoga-type software engineer. Later I heard someone at the same table say I'll show you my thing, but it will fall apart as soon as you look at it, and that one was quite clear. I can only hope they weren't preparing to play doctor.

Drop date at MIT just went by, and attendance at my algorithms class has halved after that last really tough exam. At my last recitation, which started out with ~15 students, there were only five last Friday -- four girls and one guy, for those who care to count. It's turning into an endurance thing. The class as currently taught is going away in the future, with some of the material moving to a more coding-intensive algorithms class and the more advanced stuff moving to a grad class, and that may be a good thing. I'd definitely be learning more if it moved at a slower pace.

And Frankenstein was in the hospital for two days... it turns out his kidneys were/are getting worse, due to his lymphoma spreading. The kidneys improved with medication and fluids and he's home again, but still is not excited about eating. We bribed him with baby food today, which is basically pureed chicken, and he ate a bit. I feel terrible about all this on several levels.

I'm even gladder than usual to have heisenbug around. I say "everything feels impossible" and he hugs me and says "let's go to the gym".

Comments

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

I've decided that the kidneys are my least favorite part of cats. They should be stronger... more resistant to injury and disease. I'm so so sorry about Frankenstein... and I know how much this hurts.

[flexagon]

Thank you. It's funny because I keep thinking about Vinny. Your post from 3/23 is the one that resonates with me now. Trying to figure out when things are cruel. Did you and the Bear have any difference of opinion about that? I'm having a hard time watching Frankenstein go through all the medical stuff... but he's heisenbug's kitty...

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

When I asked the Bear about if we had gotten to the point where we were contributing to his suffering, he wouldn't really contribute because he said that he was my cat. The next day, Vinny wouldn't get out of the cat carrier, and the Bear kept checking on him to see if he had died in there.

It's a really tough call... it might be tougher with cats. When we had to put our Rottweiler down (bone cancer), it was a little more clear.

[flexagon]

Hmm, the Bear was in my position. Frankenstein isn't refusing to move yet so he's not as bad as Vinny was. Lymphoma is a downhill slide though. It's hard to know what Frankenstein would want. I tend to see his not eating as being a statement of sorts, but if it's just a chemo side effect, then maybe not.

Sigh. We've always joked about the grubs being inscrutable.

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

When I called the vet to make the last appointment, the person I talked to said that they thought about it when they were no longer happy cat beasts. He couldn't jump up to the window sill perch that looks out into the back yard, and he wasn't making it to the catbox, even though we put a catbox for him in his area. The other thing that was pretty disturbing was that his urine didn't smell. He wasn't responding to his name in the last couple of days.... not even looking at us when we'd say his name.

It's such a hard decision because you don't want to go too soon, but you don't want them to suffer. Did they talk to you about subcutaneous fluids?

[flexagon]

Not when you wrote your comment, but Frankenstein is now on subcutaneous fluids, as of two days ago. He was doing a lot worse again last week, so he went to the vet on Friday and fluids perked him right back up. Now we have an IV drip type thing in the living room and we've given him fluids twice.

I know people who have done this fluids thing for months, but those cats didn't have cancer. I don't know. heisenbug says he's beginning to do better with the whole situation, which is nice even though I'm continuing to do worse.

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. We had almost the same set up in our dining room... it's just off of the laundry room and we have one of those hanging things for over the door. Vinny could sit on his perch and look out the window while we did it.

I've heard about people doing it for a long time, too. It's so difficult. I'm so very sorry.

[body-alchemy.livejournal.com]

Look into his eyes...looking back at Ginger's pictures before he died (heart attack, heart murmur), he had this tired, confused look...like "why am I not feeling good anymore?" He went on his own and I don't think he suffered for very long, but it probably could have been time a bit earlier :(.

I think you'll know...when Frankenstein's not eating at all anymore, when he gets that look...you'll know. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. :hugs:

[body-alchemy.livejournal.com]

That first paragraph made me laugh so hard...I wish you were within dinner-range, so we could go out to eat sometime. Or hang out...you could bug me about going out to walk, I could resent you. It could be the start of a beautiful friendship ;).

HLM is very wise. Everything does seem possible through endorphin goggles.