Maybe I could be a waitress, say maybe somewhere in Hawaii

[flexagon]

miyyu has interviewed me. I told her I felt like nobody had asked me anything personal in a long time... and while that was true, answering these was also kind of tiring. Right now I'm a bit tired of being me.


What was the mental/emotional process like when you decided to be an egg donor?

Heh... I think it was much less dramatic, all around, than people tend to think when they ask this. :) I was happy. I had wanted to donate eggs for years and I already knew I was going to be childfree myself, so there wasn't a ton of thinking involved when decision-time came; it was just like "oh, here is the perfect opportunity". Also, although I was not feeling romantic toward the parents, there was something very fitting about donating them to a guy who I once really liked (long, long ago, when I was 15 and he was closeted). It was a nice, much delayed end to that story, and the beginning of another that is even longer.

I worried, before ever starting the process, that heisenbug might be jealous. I tried to be really sensitive to anything like that. He was okay though. My parents freaked out for a while, which was stressful. And I also felt frustration, at times, when the whole thing was delayed for months because we couldn't find a gestational carrier. But, mostly I was just happy; I never had second thoughts or desires to back out or anything, and I've never regretted it since, either. It was just something that seemed like a perfect thing to do, and it was! The weirdest thing has been that other people think it must have been complicated. And they ask me about it. :)

What are you most proud of in your life?

Turning out a fairly decent, happy person in spite of my toxic upbringing. It's kind of shocking that my younger self managed a thing like that. I think my parents' views on life were so ridiculously bleak that at some point I rejected their worldview outright. (Wasn't someone complimenting me recently on sheer willpower? I have nothing now in comparison to what I had then. Oh, and that's perfectly okay with me, because I'm a whole lot healthier now.) Everything else I've done that is any good has depended on that initial Great Escape. Without that, I'd probably still have escaped religion, but I'd have been living a sad, outsider life in Montana for the last decade and being sure I didn't deserve any better. *shudder* One of the weird things is that I never had a defining moment of pushing it all away, that I can remember. There were lots of little pushes and flicks and keeping some little bit of myself on hold for better times and places... which might never have come, but did.

Sorry this is so vague. That seems bad. It also seems a bit premature to pat myself on the back just for being okay so far when it's not like the story's over. Still, I've had a pretty sane adulthood so far, and it turns out I do have things to offer the world after all, and I haven't gone postal yet... so there you have it.

What do you regret the most?

I regret 90% of the circumstances of my childhood. But assuming we're limiting this to things I could have actually done differently... I regret staying with Mike as long as I did, in college, and putting up with his crap. The number he did on my relationship self-esteem is just astonishing -- it messed me up for years, and I should never have put up with any of it. Still, it's a tough call. I know a lot of women who stayed in a bad relationship in and through their freshman/sophomore years. So it's quite possible that if I hadn't messed myself up with Mike, it would have just been someone else. Gah! Why did we all DOOOOOO that!? It was so dumb, so very sad and dumb.

Would you ever consider living anywhere other than the Boston area?

I would, yes. :) There are three other places that I think I could live: Manhattan, San Francisco and Seattle. I feel at home here, though, as I guess everyone knows, and I realize how precious and rare that feeling is for me, so I'm in no hurry to leave. I'm hoping (and it's possible!) that during my time at Zillian I might manage to spend a quarter of a year in Manhattan sometime (say, a summer) and in SF sometime (say, a winter).

Have you ever had your IQ tested? If not, would you want to? Why/why not?

Yes, when I was a kid I tested at 150. I was too young to really be making a choice about it; my parents just had me take it, and all I remember is that they wouldn't tell me my score for a long time. When I was in college I took one of the free ones as a lark one day and tested at 145, and was slightly surly because 150 is one of the classification cut-offs... you know, Genius Level (say oooh), and I was annoyed to have missed the category marker.

I never bothered getting tested again for real... it's too easy to get hung up on the number, and there are two reasons I think that's a bad idea. First, whatever it is (and there's plenty of debate about that, but let's say it's something like raw pattern-matching and processing skills, combined with test-taking skills), and whatever my score "really" is, it's pretty clear I have enough that other things tend to be what limit me. So, those other things are the things I need to be thinking about, and tend to be thinking about, when actually living my life. Second... a tool's only as good as what you use it for.


If you want to get all meme-like, say "Interview me" in the comments and I'll ask you five personal questions on topics I am curious about. Or just tell me whether you ever get tired of being you, and who you'd like to be in those moments (even if that's not who you'd like to be normally). Right now, I wish I were someone who didn't care about work or what her boss thinks of her... not someone cynical or jaded or evil, but just a bit ditzy, someone whose focus in life is definitely elsewhere. Someone with intuition about people and cultures, someone with less willpower and more intuition about the easy and graceful ways to do things. Someone who laughed a lot today.

Comments

[silentq.livejournal.com]

I had a lot of fun with this meme a while back, so I'm willing to respawn it. :) Interview me, please!

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

Interview me, please!

[flexagon]

Whew... putting together questions is hard! Naturally, feel free to not answer any of these that may be too personal. I tried not to base any questions on friends-only posts.

What are you going to do differently once you have a PhD?

What about gardening is satisfying to you?

Ideally, what are you hoping to get from being on Effexor?

You either don't work out or don't mention it in your blog...why? Are you in touch with your body as a functional tool, and does it bring you joy, or no?

Would you rather be judged by who you are or for what you've done?

[flexagon]

a_kosmos's answers are here...

[flexagon]

Here you go!

Does your username come from the verb "to these" and its variation "theseqing"? If not, please explain where it did come from.

Ravelry-stalking you, I see you're working on a wrap that you want to wear for a June wedding. As a usually non-monogamous knitter, are you annoyed at having to focus on it, or are you enjoying the fast progress?

Didn't you say you were moving? What is up with that?

What is the best, most joy-bringing thing you experience on a completely average/boring day?

If you could repeal or change just one US law, what would it be?

[silentq.livejournal.com]

Does your username come from the verb "to these" and its variation "theseqing"? If not, please explain where it did come from.
Nope, it came from trying to find a username on IRC back in the day. My real name is somewhat common, so it would always come up as being in use already. A friend of mine (as we were sitting on a step watching the dance floor at a now defunct club in Toronto), suggested adding a silent 'q' to my name to make it unique. I decided to just use the silent q as my user name. :) Said friend used the nickname 'InUse'. :)

Ravelry-stalking you,[...]
Er, I'm not on Ravelry, is someone else using the nickname silentq there? I can barely knit and purl, I tried to learn a while back but the way I hold the needles aggravates my elbow RSI. I sew, infrequently, and do enjoy havin to focus on a project (eep, sun dress needed for July 3, must get on that).

Didn't you say you were moving? What is up with that?
Not soon, I hope, I just had my work visa renewed, it runs out in Feb 2011, and at that point I'll have to either leave the country or be in the process of applying for a green card. Currently leaning toward the former, as New Zealand is calling to me. :)

What is the best, most joy-bringing thing you experience on a completely average/boring day?
Whizzing down a hill on my bike. :)

If you could repeal or change just one US law, what would it be?
There are some pretty stupid (IMO) immigration laws, but I'd change mandatory punishment for rape to be a lot harsher. :/

[flexagon]

Er, I'm not on Ravelry, is someone else using the nickname silentq there?

Heh, whups, sorry for being totally weird. No, I don't see a silentq there, but there is a jerkbunny and I was thinking that was you. A little more research turns up the truth... jerkbunny is perfectbound. Heh, mistaken identity! I wonder how her wrap is going. :)

[bluechromis.livejournal.com]

I know a lot of women who stayed in a bad relationship in and through their freshman/sophomore years.

And a lot more who did it when they theoretically should have been older and wiser... :)

it's pretty clear I have enough that other things tend to be what limit me. So, those other things are the things I need to be thinking about, and tend to be thinking about

I totally agree, and I think the very fact that you recognize that is insightful. No matter how much of a gift you have, everyone eventually reaches the limit of how far they can go on that alone, and if you aren't clever (strong? brave?) enough to start working on your weaknesses then that's where you're stuck.

BTW, my IQ story is identical to yours, too funny.

Go ahead and interview me, I haven't shared much personal lately either. :)

[flexagon]

Man, coming up with questions is taking me forever. You're my last one for tonight -- first question is a double so it counts for two. :)


Where do you stand these days on the idea of having children? When you have felt more like doing so, have you been considering the same issues as the ones you consider when you have felt more like being childfree, or does the set of important issues change?

If you have never done something before, does that increase or decrease its appeal for you?

What will you miss about Boston when you go away to med school, assuming this happens? (Will this depend on which med school it is?)

Did your friend like the thumb cozy you mailed her?

[flexagon]

Update: bluechromis answered these here, friends-locked.

[apfelsingail.livejournal.com]

Interview me. :-)

[flexagon]

Whew... putting together questions is hard! Naturally, feel free to not answer any of these that may be too personal. I tried not to base any questions on friends-only posts.


When you get tired of being you, who do you wish you could be (even if that's not who you normally wish you could be)?

If you could only move one more time, and then had to live in that city/area forever, where would you move and why?

What were your thoughts when you were considering (and deciding against) procedures that would end your fertility recently?

Are you searching for a Purpose in Life (tm), or would you prefer to do various things over the course of your life without feeling a steady pull in any one direction?

Have you been back to that awesome playground we went to last year? Can we go when I visit?

[flexagon]

For anyone playing along at home, apfelsingail answered the questions here (friends-locked).

[nevers.livejournal.com]

i am stuck in a posting rut so some questions would be exciting.

[flexagon]

ok... take 'em and post away!

Would you trade your body for one that was of average strength and flexibility, but totally healthy and pain-free? (Assume you could still do circus but with no particular talent)

Would you take sej's job if sej decided to do something completely different and offered you the post?

Would you feel comfortable doing something, for money, that you didn't find sexual but you knew the customer did? (For example, modeling for a foot-fetish site, or selling used panties online)

Are you interested in crocheting technically difficult things and learning all you can about the craft, or is it more of a soothing/relaxing thing for you?

Do you think you'd be cleaner or messier if you had your own apartment separate from sitonmykarma's?

[flexagon]

Update: nevers answered these here.

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

I've been meaning to tell you... I have an alter ego, too. Her name is Shari. She works in the VEF or perhaps the Elk's Lodge in Spokane. She never corrects the drunken patrons when they warble the "Brandy, You're a Fine Girl.... What a Good Wife You would Be" song to her. She has a miniature poodle named Buffy. The bows in Buffy's ears always match her toenails.

Shari is who she is. She's not aspirational.... she's content.

[miyyu.livejournal.com]

The weirdest thing has been that other people think it must have been complicated.

That it wasn't complicated for you shows you did the right thing, I think. I think it would be a little too complicated for me.

I know what you mean about sometimes getting tired of being you. It would be easier if we were shallow -- we wouldn't even know what we were missing!

[motyl.livejournal.com]

If you have any questions you'd like to ask of me, feel free. But don't feel a need to come up with some :-)

[flexagon]

Oh, why not, I'm starting to get in the groove. :)

How do you and darnok handle finances?

What about gardening is satisfying to you?

Tell me about something you have talent for, but you don't like doing, and something you have no talent for but do it because you like it.

What is the best, most joy-bringing thing you experience on a completely average/boring day?

How are those knitted socks coming along?

[flexagon]

Update: motyl answered here (friendslocked).

[heisenbug]

Oh, all right. Do me.

[flexagon]

Well, I wish I had a nickel for every time I'd heard THAT one. :P

What can you tell about a typical piece of rock music after just a few seconds of listening? (This could include meter, number of instruments or singers, identification of instruments, etc.) What are some things you often only hear after listening to the whole song several times?

If you were spending a mandatory hour per day on woodworking right now, what would be working on?

A lot of our male co-workers have nontechnical wives. What do you think is up with that; and do you ever envy them? (disclaimer: I won't be mad if you say yes; I'll assume you envy them only fleetingly and very rarely. :)

I know you think about setting up a small philanthropy budget like mine; leaving aside specific amounts and methods, who/what are you most interested in helping?

What is the best, most joy-bringing thing you experience on a completely average/boring day?

[flexagon]

Update: heisenbug answered here, friends-locked.