Sustainability vs day-to-day living, sanity vs Zillian

[flexagon]

I wonder all the time how long I can sustain my current job. In all this time, including the last few quarters of exceeding expectations and happy happy joy joy, I've always felt like a tiny flea on the side of a large animal. One twitch in the wrong direction (and this large animal is twitching all the time -- in fact, it's galloping) could send me flying off, with a little flea scream, to land winded and somewhat relieved on the roadside.

I had planned to do a long post about this, how I freaked out and cried about it last weekend, etc, but find I don't have much coherent to say about Zillian anymore. I learned a whole lot this week about the very attractive possibility of working four days a week, which is something I think is a long-term lifestyle goal, but might not actually help with sanity in this case. After all, a lot of what bugs me is how much things change all the time, and if I were working fewer hours I'd be spending proportionally more of them on the required catching up. It also sounds fairly politically difficult to get permission for -- it's seen as a really big change.

I read some more about living life one day at a time, something the Dale Carnegie course is also pretty big on.

Only for today, I will have no fears.... Indeed, for 12 hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life.

Indeed! Very pretty. But I also worry that getting through life one day at a time is a recipe for drudgery, and encourages people to live at the very outer limits of what they can withstand. I worry about sustainability.

I've still got some ideas. Maybe putting in extra time -- educational time that would pay itself back in actual expertise -- is a way to feel more comfortable. Maybe staying technically full-time but working less, maybe all the way down to 40 hours a week, is eventually possible, though maybe not at my current level. Or maybe I should look to work for more of life's meaning and satisfaction, go further in, instead of trying to back away to find an unattainable "balance".

Maybe stumbling forward as I have been, working gamely along in the expected directions and freaking out every few months, is in fact as good as it's going to get, and I'm just not wise enough to realize it? Ugh.

Sanity 0, Zillian 1.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I think life is too short to spend too much time working. I'm struggling with similar questions right now, and I am actively looking to par down my work hours, and possibly get a new job. There are way too many interesting (and nearly free) things to do with my time to be stressed and working more than 40 hours a week. Your time, your health, your family are all so valuable.

- Sarah C

[nevers.livejournal.com]

interesting, that wording is so similar to some program lit: "i can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if i felt that i had to keep it up for a lifetime." we talk about living in daytight compartments. a quick google brings up dale carnegie on that, too -- who is this guy? program lit and slogans maybe actually have come from him, i dunno... stuff moves to and from program with no sources cited.

anyway, i completely agree that this statement and concept can be used to encourage behavior that you actually CAN'T keep up for a lifetime, and you might burn yourself out trying. but it doesn't have to be used that way. maybe what you are trying to do just for today is something you think you have to do for the rest of your life and that is so terrifying you don't even want to do it today, but actually you only have to do it today and after today you can decide if you want to do it for another day, and so on, and you can always change your mind. or maybe doing it all your life is actually fine but you just have to get past the psychological aspects by only looking at the present day.

[flexagon]

Dale Carnegie was a young salesman who got involved in adult education in the 1920s. He went on to write How to Win Friends and Influence People... among several other titles, but that's the one he's famous for. The Dale Carnegie Institute still teaches an excellent (and expensive) 12-week class based on his work, which I've both taken and facilitated in a TA-like position.

"day-tight compartments" is from his book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. :)

maybe what you are trying to do just for today is something you think you have to do for the rest of your life and that is so terrifying you don't even want to do it today, but actually you only have to do it today and after today you can decide if you want to do it for another day, and so on, and you can always change your mind.

I felt a tremendous sense of relief when I read this sentence. You're right -- the idea CAN be used that way and I CAN always change my mind. A very soothing thing to remember.

[dr-alycat.livejournal.com]

argh, blah, I'm sorry this is still unresolved, but I'm impressed with your wisdom in the face of it.

[flexagon]

aw, thanks! That was a really nice comment to read, on a night when I was staying up late working. :)

Personally, I am thoroughly unimpressed by any level of wisdom, and feel like I'm relying on my old friend stubbornness. More things are out there to be tried... what can we do but try them one by one until something works?