Hating the mind-body connection
Jun. 12th, 2010 12:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagonAwesome. Nothing like rounding out a week at work by staying up coding until 11:30 on a Friday.
One other thing about this last week is that I only worked out twice (and one of those was just cardio on the elliptical at home). Monday I rested on purpose (except for some chin-ups with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rifmeister), Wednesday was supposed to be a human tower rehearsal but it got rained out, and Friday a work-emergency arose. Tuesday, which was my birthday, was the only day I was happy about: my back has been hurt but slowly getting better, and on Tuesday I was able to do a couple of walkovers for the first time in ~4 weeks.
Extra rest over the last few weeks has been appropriate enough in terms of letting my back get better, which it is doing.
Well, I KNOW there's a correlation between workouts and sanity, and I've known that for at least 13 years now, so maybe it's obvious that I was doomed to go crazy this month and this last week. That's fine as far as it goes... I know that a lot of my high-level thoughts and moods are largely rationalized to make sense of what my brain chemicals and cells are telling me about my current state. Even so, why am I so close to the edge? I'd like to be in a solid enough emotional state that if I, say, broke my foot and couldn't do much for a while, I wouldn't necessarily wind up throwing things through the windows, hearing voices or quitting my job. It strikes me that even though I work with my brain and fingers, at the moment I'm almost as affected by injury as a dancer or acrobat would be. (At least, a good fraction of that.)
Vulnerability! We hates it.
(Postscript: this morning I walked to the Goodwill with some stuff I felt sentimental about and other stuff I didn't -- goodbye, uncleanable waffle maker, next time I'm getting one with removable plates! goodbye, small vases from my wedding! -- and then I went to advanced yoga for 90 delicious minutes, and now I'm going to do pullups. Guess what? I feel just fine.)
One other thing about this last week is that I only worked out twice (and one of those was just cardio on the elliptical at home). Monday I rested on purpose (except for some chin-ups with
rifmeister), Wednesday was supposed to be a human tower rehearsal but it got rained out, and Friday a work-emergency arose. Tuesday, which was my birthday, was the only day I was happy about: my back has been hurt but slowly getting better, and on Tuesday I was able to do a couple of walkovers for the first time in ~4 weeks.Extra rest over the last few weeks has been appropriate enough in terms of letting my back get better, which it is doing.
Well, I KNOW there's a correlation between workouts and sanity, and I've known that for at least 13 years now, so maybe it's obvious that I was doomed to go crazy this month and this last week. That's fine as far as it goes... I know that a lot of my high-level thoughts and moods are largely rationalized to make sense of what my brain chemicals and cells are telling me about my current state. Even so, why am I so close to the edge? I'd like to be in a solid enough emotional state that if I, say, broke my foot and couldn't do much for a while, I wouldn't necessarily wind up throwing things through the windows, hearing voices or quitting my job. It strikes me that even though I work with my brain and fingers, at the moment I'm almost as affected by injury as a dancer or acrobat would be. (At least, a good fraction of that.)
Vulnerability! We hates it.
(Postscript: this morning I walked to the Goodwill with some stuff I felt sentimental about and other stuff I didn't -- goodbye, uncleanable waffle maker, next time I'm getting one with removable plates! goodbye, small vases from my wedding! -- and then I went to advanced yoga for 90 delicious minutes, and now I'm going to do pullups. Guess what? I feel just fine.)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-06-13 02:17 am (UTC)When I cracked a bone in my foot and couldn't bike for a couple of months, I was *cranky*. And then depressed. :/ I ended up doing a lot of seated exercises, but it was still a really hard time for me, mentally and emotionally. I didn't like being dependent on other people for mobility, but dealing with chronic pain just made my mood tank. So, not trying to depress you with the thought of what you'd go through if you did get a long healing time injury, but even starting from a solid emotional place, it was *hard*. I think if it happens again, I'll have to be better about taking care of myself, but I haven't figured out how I'd do that yet.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-13 10:21 pm (UTC)When I had a fractured kneecap, way back in college, I did upper body lifting and threw myself into my studies. Now, it's not so clear what would happen. All I can say is that if I do get badly injured, I'll be soliciting self-care and sanity-maintaining ideas right here on LJ.