A fairly bad villanelle

[flexagon]

As I mentioned in the last locked-down post, I actually wrote a good poem last weekend. It was about a girl who needs a name... and I'm naming her now, Nycotine. This is not that poem! This is me randomly deciding to write a villanelle tonight, quickly and badly, using my favorite Anne Carson line as one of the repeaters and using some of the same themes as the good poem. I have to admit this was a fun exercise.


One drop of water entirely awake
in a flood of eight million, rising slow,
I want to kiss you, my lovely mistake.

Nothing to prove, no claim to stake,
Slide through the gutter, drawn by the flow,
one drop of water entirely awake.

Once I thought give, now I think take
not opposites as it seemed long ago:
I want to kiss you, my lovely mistake.

The sea, a puddle, a stream, a lake?
We could spend decades aching to know
one drop of water. Entirely awake,

wanting to taste for adventure's sake.
Ask me to stay or tell me to go:
I want to kiss you, my lovely mistake.

It seems the whole city is starting to shake
It's too late to escape from your glow
One drop of water entirely awake --
I want to kiss you, my lovely mistake.

Comments

[bluechromis.livejournal.com]

I like this verse in particular:

Once I thought give, now I think take
not opposites as it seemed long ago:
I want to kiss you, my lovely mistake.

[flexagon]

Interesting, thanks. (The verse after that is crap, though, and I can rewrite it now that I've remembered the obvious rhyming word of "ache".)

I'll email you the GOOD poem if you want to see it. It's also on the topic of being drawn to someone, but it's, you know, good instead of bad. Also not a villanelle.