In which managing a large team is kind of awful, and a birthday approaches

[flexagon]

Most of my thoughts lately have been about work. I took a class a week ago that basically hit me like a truck, about managing larger teams and how managing a 15-person team or bigger is fundamentally different from managing a 5-person one. It was useful, and actionable, and deadly depressing. I've been getting more unhappy feedback from people who report to me in the last year than I ever have before, always been one person at a time, and the class pounded into my head that in some ways that's working as intended. The group is now too large to lead purely by consensus, and that means somebody will be unhappy with nearly every decision I make. There will also always be somebody unhappy enough to affect the group, just because life. (And, apparently, someone always out on baby leave -- my reports are nothing if not fertile.)

The class had good advice: deal with the reality that your job is not what it once was; learn new skills; stop having a standup status meeting with way too many people trying to go around the room; don't succumb to the temptation to regress to what you're good at, or to fill all the gaps in your team with yourself. (cough. I totally do that.) But damn it, I'm still reeling from the realization that my team is never all going to like me anymore. To be clear, I'm no fragile flower; I've been disliked plenty and I can deal with it pretty well in general, but, sigh... it was so nice to be the non-asshole manager for a while. Must those days really be over, so soon, and just when things were otherwise going well? I'm not sure I want to move forward in this direction.

Then there's the creeping burnout. This is easier to deal with -- I mostly need vacation, or at least more disconnected time. I've been doing work, sometimes tiny bits of work, on both weekend days for a while now. So guess what I just did? I went over to my work window and requested next Friday off. Yeah. And two days for my birthday while I was at it.

On this note, birthday. It's coming up, it's my 40th, I probably ought to do something to celebrate. Nothing felt right, until last Friday when I started asking myself if I had any childhood dreams left unattended to. A lightbulb went off: of course! I need to go to hang gliding camp! Probably this one, a weekend thing in New Hampshire, though it would be rather wonderful to work toward a Hang 1 certification. I can do a fancy view-of-Boston-skyline dinner on the day of, but the gliding will be the real celebration. :D

Comments

[nahele-101.livejournal.com]

Disconnected time sounds good. Can you walk away from work and not be bothered?

I am thinking of jumping out a plane for my bday. I'll probably crap myself...

[flexagon]

I jumped out of a plane for my 25th, to prove I still had some life & adventure left in me. Definitely recommended as an "everyone should experience this once" thing!

Edited to add: I can walk away and not be bothered by other people, but I have a far harder time not thinking about work.

[drwex]

Happy birthday and many joyous returns of the occasion!

Managing people is tough. If you are up for a recommendation, I endorse http://www.askamanager.org/ - the woman who writes it is generally good and gives pretty straightforward answers.

[flexagon]

Interesting, thanks. The first letter on askamanager.org pisses me off today -- the question-asker never names the gender of their manager, but the woman who answers assumes the person is a male. *rolleyes* That said, I'll take a little scan through her "being the boss" section before I totally give up.

http://www.askamanager.org/category/being-the-boss

I also like your comment because suddenly I understand what "many happy returns" means. It's not "I return your greeting happily many times", it's "I hope this happy annual occasion comes around for many more years". Cool. :-)

[drwex]

You mean the "Director's Son" letter?

The first line of that letter says: "has brought his son on" which to me identifies the target as male. She's generally pretty on-point about gender assumptions, but hey not everyone's cuppa.

it's "I hope this happy annual occasion comes around for many more years".

Exactly. I actually credit Winnie the Pooh with teaching me about this one, which makes it (and me) slightly archaic but I think it's delightful and I keep using it.

[flexagon]

Or to quote the full sentence, "One of the directors at my work who is three levels of management above my manager has brought his son on as an intern". The director is male and is above the manager. The manager's gender is never specified.

I realize this is a tiny thing to trigger on, but as a female manager it's certainly something I've learned to keep an eye out for.

Edited: icon

[drwex]

Damn, you're right. You should leave a comment.

ETA: I will say that she edits for publication so we can't assume that the letter-writer didn't gender their boss in text that didn't see the light of the Web.