flexagon: (balancing)
[personal profile] flexagon
Back from Oregon, and my head feels overstuffed as the anxieties and to-do lists come back into focus.

Seeing some older couples close-up is always fascinating -- this time, [personal profile] heisenbug's parents and my mother and her husband (who didn't actually show, but who was discussed). I know, it's only two data points. But in both cases it's the older man who is closing off and becoming less interested in learning/doing new things. In both cases, intriguingly, the older man is exercising a fair amount but always in very straightforward/controlled environments. One is doing a lot of indoor stationary-bike riding, but is having more and more trouble with his balance, and decidedly not working on balance or any lateral motions with any form of exercise or physical therapy. The other is at least still doing folk dance and some kayaking, which help with balance, but is losing flexibility without working on it and is becoming less open to learning new dances. In both cases the women now travel more than the men do. Whyyyyyyy? What is happening to these folks? It's scary. I wonder what I'll see next year (or thereabouts) when I see my dad and his wife, and I wonder what I'll see around me when I'm in my 70s.

Unrelated: one of my team's best people at work is moving away very soon, and it looks like HR is going to block my plan to have him work for me remotely for a few months. Argh! Big companies. :-/ The only thing worse is a small company. Anyway, here's my next really bad managerial problem to solve. Apparently dealing well with shit like this is exactly what I get high performance ratings for now, so I'd better put a brave face on it and get scrappy. (Or, as a popular internal meme would have it, drop the "s". Just "crappy". It's cleaner.)

Must not forget, one of my best handstand buddies just got her press last week. I have mixed feelings about this -- some jealousy, of course, but also the feeling of losing a friend who was on the same journey. And anxiety over some skills she clearly gained by working with a coach who I've never clicked with, a coach who in fact a lot of people say is great but who has only ever shown me bland feedback combined with an inability to break down skills. Yeah, it's me, I'm missing something there. That said, I'm working with my own special different coach, and we all have different paths, and.... agggggh. Maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking I'll ever attain my stupid overly-difficult goal. I need to not think about this too hard.

On the plus side, I successfully and efficiently bought new Nikes in the airport, leaving them the box and also my old sneaks to recycle -- a most satisfying minimalist upgrade. Does anyone else remember when we used to expect to break in new shoes? These days I'll only tolerate that for heavy leather boots. Everything else needs to feel okay immediately. Shoes, I think, have gotten better.

Date: 2017-08-28 12:00 am (UTC)
randysmith: (Default)
From: [personal profile] randysmith
I shared your comments about older couples with L, and she commented that the gender studies research on this suggests that one pattern for men is to be very tied into their identity as "breadwinner", and have a hard time figuring out what to do/who they are after retirement. Women have tended to have more identity centers throughout their lives, and hence not find retirement as big a transition. FWIW.

Date: 2017-08-28 01:29 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] khamsin
This tracks with my experience watching my parents age. My dad is 64 and still working, but is definitely more and more set in his ways (and more and more conservative in his politics). My mom is the same age and has been at home since 1980. I wouldn't say that she's gotten more adventurous, but she definitely is more willing to try new things and engage with new ideas than I felt she was when I was at home. Of course, that could also be an artifact of no longer being primarily focused on childrearing.

Date: 2017-09-03 02:30 am (UTC)
randysmith: (Default)
From: [personal profile] randysmith
I don't speak with any confidence, but I'd imagine that not having an identity center saps your will something fierce. Who you are drives what you think is worth doing, so not knowing who you are will tend to lead you to have problems finding things that are worth doing?

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