One weird little moment
Feb. 1st, 2020 11:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
...from two weekends ago, when I was in a room with someone and I gave them a neck rub. They knew I had been tapped out and tired/freaked/stressed, and they were getting pretty tired too, and somewhere in there they said "I didn't expect to be doing so much receiving, knowing how you were feeling."
I didn't know how to tell them that giving whatever to one person, who seems generally straightforward, in a simple environment, is such easy mode for me that my motor was barely ticking over. I was being generous and paying attention etc and it was just force of habit, and I feel weird about that. Not because anything was wrong there, but because maybe my normal life is tapping me out all the time and I've gotten too used to it?
I didn't know how to tell them that giving whatever to one person, who seems generally straightforward, in a simple environment, is such easy mode for me that my motor was barely ticking over. I was being generous and paying attention etc and it was just force of habit, and I feel weird about that. Not because anything was wrong there, but because maybe my normal life is tapping me out all the time and I've gotten too used to it?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-03 04:24 am (UTC)