50% the week, 50% despairing about Roe

[flexagon]

YNAB is proving useful from time to time, even though I don't really embrace its philosophy. This month it helped me notice that I hadn't gotten a direct deposit from stock sales like I usually do near the start of the month, and I tracked down the place a setting had gotten lost and fixed it; that should be good for the next year.

Also in even more adulting/paperwork news, it seems that the bug and I both have found lawyers and have a first draft of a postnup agreement in hand. Look at us with our ducks all getting in a row, huh? I have a sneaking suspicion that we're going to want to update our wills after this, but they're old anyway... in fact hmm, they're almost ten years old and my tangible property addendum still mentions Nala, so okay okay okay. One paperwork thing at a time though.

I've been reading a lot, and also played several hours of Celeste with the squirrel. It was one of those weeks where each day felt like a different day (Monday holiday, date night shifted around, etc). Did a bit of internal activism at work.

And THEN of course, I got a day where none of that mattered because the Roe vs Wade shoe dropped. I'm a sterile-by-choice lady in a blue state where abortions will still be accessible, and still triggered AF by the thought of forced breeding. There's something terrifying about women being valued less than their fetuses. Even if I did think fetuses were people, making abortion manslaughter, I'd be in favor of women being able to get abortions in approximately the same way it's legal to shoot a trespasser. And it's tempting to be grouchy right now with my male partners who've been vaguely considering (but putting off) vasectomies... if there was ever a time for men to step up and take full shared responsibility in pregnancy control, it was OH WAIT, ALWAYS but also right now. Women are officially second-class citizens again in the US -- maybe we never weren't, but we got to fake it really well for a while -- and need allies.

I already had the talk with my bio-kid about being careful what state she goes to grad school in, and thank goodness she was way ahead of me on that. And then there's the silver lining of knowing what to do with my donation money... hahahahaha. I can't believe that just a few months ago I was considering donating to research, and now it's all refugee aid (from the big land war in Europe, you know) and people who will otherwise be forced to give birth (or, very possibly, die). I really am starting to feel survivor's guilt. I got so impossibly lucky, and was paranoid enough to play my cards well, in a timeline that I have less and less optimism about.

Must attempt to work out, and then go frolicing off to see the Monk and his wife. Maybe a day out in the sun will help.

Comments

[coraline]

I almost didn't say something here because flexagon said it all much more coherently and eloquently than I would manage to. But I think it's important to tell you that I am also upset and disgusted by both the content of this comment (if your thoughts on this are actually that unformed and uninformed, then you are not the person I thought/hoped you were, and if they are not than representing them as if they were is a horrible choice) and by your decision to post it in this venue which is definitely not an appropriate place for philosophical faffing of this kind. I have often found you hard to understand, but I don't think I have previously seen you be this combination of seemingly unintelligent and cruel.

[flexagon]

Thank you for replying anyway! I think there is real information here for wotw in the number of people who are reacting, if he chooses to pick it up.

It definitely sucks to be lightly batting a topic around and then suddenly feel attacked/startled by people's responses, but when it happens across the board one can either assume it's all unwarranted or can say "gee, maybe I have indeed missed something here. What's the perspective from which these reactions are warranted?"

Also you're a community leader whose voice may be trusted here, more than mine is.

[aatish]

I am going to continue to be blown away that the person in question here is both an educator and a community leader and is actively defending themselves by claiming that a lack of thought on this issue is justifiable...especially given the context of the community said person leads. That just does not feel good.

Also here we are in yet another thread where multiple women are taking on the emotional labor of helping some dude figure his shit out while he actively resists owning responsibility.

As someone who has absolutely been that dude in the past and has not always done a good job of thanking the people who took the time - I just want to recognize the very real work that you (jadia, flexagon and coraline) are doing here.

[jadia]

Well, maybe the others are doing emotional labor to help someone get his shit together, but i want to clarify I'm not. i just am establishing my boundaries and making clear what *i* think is ok! We can't let people say whatever and not be challenged anymore, for our OWN sakes.

Kudos to people who are engaged in helping others, and also it is ok to just say "Nope!"