Memory density

[flexagon]

Walking across the MIT campus is one of the weirdest experiences that I still have on a semi-regular basis. I did so today on the way to see a performance of Tommy, and (even though I avoided the Infinite Corridor) I just felt like I was walking in a dream. Pretty much every building, corner, stairwell has a memory. There's a locked room up near Pritchett that I used to have a key to--in the next building on the fourth floor is my favorite poetry professor's office. Looking to the right at the green building, thinking of talking with noid boi late at night looking out over the river... and falling asleep in the library on a different floor... and the tunnels that run from there to the main buildings and the night I found an ice machine down there. Knowing where most of the basement stairwells go. Walking out a door, I remembered walking out of there with my friend Luke after an almost-all-nighter in the lab, when he expressed his discouragement by sitting down in a puddle... me: those are waterproof pants, aren't they, Outing Club boy? him: well, yeah. And the Student Center, well, no need to even go there. Except of course I was going there, because that's where the show was. And the show was memorable, so that's one more of a zillion moments to add to the memory density. It's just so strange. Nowhere else on earth could ever house such a shifting depth of experience for me, not even the rest of the city. I love, hate, love, hate it. It's me.

On another note, Tommy was great! Especially the adorable little kid they got to play the 4-year-old Tommy... he was so cute, and performed very competently. If all kids were that good all the time I might feel differently about them. :)

Comments

[artana.livejournal.com]

I think you captured it well. Made me want to cry.:/

I miss it so badly some days.

[flexagon]

Thanks! Er, not that I meant to make anyone want to cry.

I both do and don't miss it. I do miss the deep sense of belonging I used to have there, when I was knit right into the fabric of the place and seemed to have an internal compass always pointing to the nearest Athena cluster. But then it's also all tied in with feeling exhausted, shaky and insecure.

[artana.livejournal.com]

All my insecure shaky feelings were because of the classes.

I loved the people. All my friends, from the insane guys at TEP to the ADP guys next door, made me feel like I belonged for the first time in my life.

[flexagon]

Most of my exhaustion and (physical) shakiness came from not sleeping which came from the classes. :) But I was insecure for a while about my brain (oh no, I'm not the smartest person in the world?) and then definitely about my romantic life.

I did always feel like I belonged though, and still do belong in the alum crowds. Which is wonderful.

[moxie-fawn.livejournal.com]

I saw that you commented about the "Le_Hedgehog" lj a while back. I met him at a signing last night and asked him about this, and he became angry, because he has no assosiation with it. Just trying to spread the word.

[flexagon]

Oh--thank you, that's good to know.

[bluechromis.livejournal.com]

Nicely captured...for a long time I avoided the whole campus because of how it made me feel, but now I can enjoy the good memories.