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Stupid boys, stupid work, ugh
Jul. 1st, 2019 10:33 amI spent the last week slowly getting over jetlag, which I knew would be difficult. My circus private lessons were cancelled, I was out of sorts, and everything just felt strange. I don't love my new vibrating toothbrush. Plus I had a feelings-hurty episode with someone on Wednesday (from the genre "did you have to say that?") that I was unable to properly cry about until Saturday and Sunday. He's taking a lot of responsibility for the pattern of his actions and that's excellent, but... ugh, I wish I were so secure that I could never randomly be hurt by a comment. Too much to ask for, but wouldn't it be nice?
On a poly note, at least things with the other two are quiet and good right now. I only really have energy to angst about one at a time, so that's somewhere between a short-term mercy and a long-term requirement. Anyway, I'll take it.
I had a new thought related to work, which is "what if the thing I want to do with my life next, after reaching financial independence in a few years, is best done from within Zillian? Should I be trying way harder to make things feel way more sustainable, in case the answer to that is yes?" . I did a peer coaching session with a friend, and that may prove useful but I don't know yet. All this is in the context of suddenly having a new manager, who got the job I had kind of been aspiring to. I had started to think that my manager might wait for me to grow into it... but that idea is obviously blocked now, and most thought of the next level with it. Feh. This could simplify life but it also removes a fairly clear way to mentally organize the chaos that comes through my inbox every day, so now I'm back to just churning through the mud for cash (unless I find a more meaningful organizing principle, which is probably a decent idea, but in the meantime here comes a bunch more mud).
At least I was an absolute beast in the gym yesterday. I did a 65lb TGU on my left side for just the second time ever, and a lot of backbend kickovers.
On a poly note, at least things with the other two are quiet and good right now. I only really have energy to angst about one at a time, so that's somewhere between a short-term mercy and a long-term requirement. Anyway, I'll take it.
I had a new thought related to work, which is "what if the thing I want to do with my life next, after reaching financial independence in a few years, is best done from within Zillian? Should I be trying way harder to make things feel way more sustainable, in case the answer to that is yes?" . I did a peer coaching session with a friend, and that may prove useful but I don't know yet. All this is in the context of suddenly having a new manager, who got the job I had kind of been aspiring to. I had started to think that my manager might wait for me to grow into it... but that idea is obviously blocked now, and most thought of the next level with it. Feh. This could simplify life but it also removes a fairly clear way to mentally organize the chaos that comes through my inbox every day, so now I'm back to just churning through the mud for cash (unless I find a more meaningful organizing principle, which is probably a decent idea, but in the meantime here comes a bunch more mud).
At least I was an absolute beast in the gym yesterday. I did a 65lb TGU on my left side for just the second time ever, and a lot of backbend kickovers.
