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I am doing SO MUCH BETTER after a week away from work. Today I was rushed a few times, and tired, and with both of my partners sick, and even so I'm impressed with how I've been in general. Sleeping well, enjoying my mornings (I know: what?), doing better at handstands, actually feeling like being active sometimes instead of just hopping on my workouts because I only have two hours until I have to do the next thing and I know it's my only chance. I've cooked a lot, read 4 or 5 books, done the NYT crossword every day (I'm better at them now), and been kind to people. I have project ideas that all sound fun and interesting. Someone gave me a drawing class on Udemy for Christmas and so I've been sketching. I went to a new bookstore that just opened (focused on romance, btw. I wandered around feeling almost illiterate! It was so interesting). I'm engaged and cheerful, curious. It is really, really good. And living like this must come to an end... this time. For a while.
I should've posted separately about how great Xmas was. I got loved on, there was coffee, and it seems like everyone did a great job with presents all around. I mentioned the drawing class already, which is specifically about rendering solid forms and volumes in 3D; it came along with a beautiful item to draw at the end. And the bug had sneaked out behind the house with his good camera one day and done a whole photoshoot of the black squirrel I've been watching! He even made some prints, and gave me a frame with one of them framed plus a few more so that I could rotate them. Such a thoughtful personalized gift, and it's especially great because "my husband took some photos of a squirrel" could sound pretty unappealing. I love it. He also gave me an ornament with Caltrop's face on it, and I got a good picture of Caltrop trying to bite the ornament, which is just instantly iconic.
Today was rough just because... well, because in preparation for my usual yearly retrospective I went back and read all my 2024 entries, that's why. Seeing just how many of my weeks were dominated by "work is awful" felt like being hit in the face, especially since at this point it's entirely self-inflicted, and I feel like maybe I broke my 2022 promise to myself about leaving if it got bad at all. I know why, too, it's because I wanted the happy ending. Given the peak-end rule of memory formation this might even have been a reasonable tradeoff, except for the promises. Except for how prep for my usual yearly training video has shown where I've regressed on my backbends. Except for the two places where short little hairs are growing out of the alopecia spots on my head. Except for, overall, the rage. Goddamn it.
Today both the bug and the squirrel have colds. I don't have a cold, and we have houseguests here now, so I quite hope not to get a cold. Immune system, don't fail me now!
I should've posted separately about how great Xmas was. I got loved on, there was coffee, and it seems like everyone did a great job with presents all around. I mentioned the drawing class already, which is specifically about rendering solid forms and volumes in 3D; it came along with a beautiful item to draw at the end. And the bug had sneaked out behind the house with his good camera one day and done a whole photoshoot of the black squirrel I've been watching! He even made some prints, and gave me a frame with one of them framed plus a few more so that I could rotate them. Such a thoughtful personalized gift, and it's especially great because "my husband took some photos of a squirrel" could sound pretty unappealing. I love it. He also gave me an ornament with Caltrop's face on it, and I got a good picture of Caltrop trying to bite the ornament, which is just instantly iconic.
Today was rough just because... well, because in preparation for my usual yearly retrospective I went back and read all my 2024 entries, that's why. Seeing just how many of my weeks were dominated by "work is awful" felt like being hit in the face, especially since at this point it's entirely self-inflicted, and I feel like maybe I broke my 2022 promise to myself about leaving if it got bad at all. I know why, too, it's because I wanted the happy ending. Given the peak-end rule of memory formation this might even have been a reasonable tradeoff, except for the promises. Except for how prep for my usual yearly training video has shown where I've regressed on my backbends. Except for the two places where short little hairs are growing out of the alopecia spots on my head. Except for, overall, the rage. Goddamn it.
Today both the bug and the squirrel have colds. I don't have a cold, and we have houseguests here now, so I quite hope not to get a cold. Immune system, don't fail me now!
