Swimming underwater, trying not to scream

[flexagon]

I was so tense today I thought my neck and shoulders were going to cramp up just from walking around. Work went well enough, in terms of me getting done what I was hoping to do, but NOT yet in terms of the part I'm utterly powerless about. I almost cried in the bathroom. Lately the only thing on my mind is why the hell should I care so much? If I'm not getting fired, then really, why? And if I were to get fired I could live on savings for more than a little while. I may care by nature but I'm not going to be able to care for much longer, at this point, and I shouldn't. I need to back way down.

At least I got my period, so there's some chance some of this was hormonal and will ease off soon. And I skipped yoga and brought home a six-pack of Original Sin, and (one sin later) my neck is relaxing. I believe I'll go read on the couch for a bit.

Comments

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry! I think you care because you want to be someone who does things well. You're work is an art form, not unlike your knitting and your yoga and your silks.