I find my lack of faith disturbing.
Sep. 5th, 2012 09:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagonI feel mildly delirious. The weekend ultimately consisted of three long acro days. Frankly, I was getting pissy by the end of the third one, because there were LOTS of interested newbies / enthusiastic beginners, and I was very tired of teaching barrel roll and stacks. Sometimes I just want the core group, damn it. But I must be getting enough, because I'm growing and learning things rather quickly right now.
Something new happened in h2h with Scooper tonight, a long zipping-up on each side of my body from my toes clear through all my abs to my shoulders and connected through to my arms. I'm positive it was the right thing to feel.
I need a rest day and I'm not going to get one until Monday, but at least I can skip morning workouts.
I realize that in my mind I'm still operating from a place of scarcity. It was only last year when I couldn't find bases to work with me who were big enough, good enough, interested enough, and not in a weirdly exclusive acro-relationship with a possessive flyer. In this phenomenal summer there are at least three or four. But some of it is known to be limited, in that Scooper is going to move away soon, and he's my very best learning partner (sob!). I want desperately to believe that I can keep learning like this for the rest of my life, that this year is the start of something rather than a special gift.* But, deep down, I don't have that faith.
* There's even some supporting evidence: the fairly new existence of Nearby Circus School, the fact that Niko Douwes is coming here instead of NYC in October, the Ant. Please universe... I'm not alone in wanting to get Boston on the map, so let me believe, just enough to relax a little.
Something new happened in h2h with Scooper tonight, a long zipping-up on each side of my body from my toes clear through all my abs to my shoulders and connected through to my arms. I'm positive it was the right thing to feel.
I need a rest day and I'm not going to get one until Monday, but at least I can skip morning workouts.
I realize that in my mind I'm still operating from a place of scarcity. It was only last year when I couldn't find bases to work with me who were big enough, good enough, interested enough, and not in a weirdly exclusive acro-relationship with a possessive flyer. In this phenomenal summer there are at least three or four. But some of it is known to be limited, in that Scooper is going to move away soon, and he's my very best learning partner (sob!). I want desperately to believe that I can keep learning like this for the rest of my life, that this year is the start of something rather than a special gift.* But, deep down, I don't have that faith.
* There's even some supporting evidence: the fairly new existence of Nearby Circus School, the fact that Niko Douwes is coming here instead of NYC in October, the Ant. Please universe... I'm not alone in wanting to get Boston on the map, so let me believe, just enough to relax a little.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 07:01 pm (UTC)I'm trying to remind myself how well it worked last year to go off for 6 months and let Toledo whip me into shape -- that is, I found a good way to spend the time, and I came out stronger and ready to catch the upswing. Things are really way less precarious now. With Nearby Circus School in town (and I'm guessing lots more space in their building should they need to expand), the only practice really to be lost is advanced acroyoga. And that seems a little silly when, for the first time, there was an acro immersion here this year. Yeah, my brain should totally just STFU.