Leading with Authenticity, part 1

[flexagon]

Sooooo, one of the crazy-intense things I did this last week was a three-day leadership training. Three full days, in NYC. There were team-building exercises, and talks and videos and telling of life stories, so this unpacking will be incomplete. Here, though, is Some Stuff.

Best "trigger mantra" I have ever heard: when your amygdala is going bonkers and someone has said something that makes you fucking FURIOUS, one way to stay calm-ish and get more information is to say "Tell me more." This immediately turned into a running joke within the class, but in real life? I think this is gold.

At the very beginning (and I'm talking 8:30AM) they took each of us into a room and made us do a video of "I am the type of leader who...". Gah! Then on the second day they showed our group of 10 the videos, and we got to react to our own video and then others got to react. From this I learned that a slow talker who smiles all the time looks relaxed; a fast talker who smiles all the time looks desperate. So -- best to either NOT SMILE, or SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.

We got our "EQ360" surveys back -- that's a thing where family & friends, peers, direct reports, me and my manager all filled out a survey about my emotional intelligence and mad skillz. I was honored that so many people took time to help give me the feedback. Sadly, my primary takeaway is that my manager rated me way lower than, um, everyone else, on, um, everything! I wrote to him immediately with a screenshot. Looks like someone needs to manage up a little more. :-/

Also from the EQ360, "flexibility" was the one outlier. I rated myself lower on flexibility and being able to change quickly than anyone else did, indicating (it said) what I know to be true: I can do the right thing, but I pay too high an internal price for it. Unsure what to do about that.

Several people told me I give off a constant aura of frustration. That is fascinating. It's probably a long-term project, but I'd like to figure out what gives that signal and stop sending it.

In all my 1:1s for the next round, I should ask "are you being challenged enough?" This is not something I've ever thought to ask, before.

Probably most important, and therefore last and outside the cut, is that I'm more sure of what I want to do as a leader. While I want to get things done in my own individual work, when I'm leading the people are more important to me. I want them to be happy, supported, enabled and well-informed, so that they can make the right decisions for them about performance and where they want to be on the ladder. TRA LA! That is seriously it! Yay!

Comments

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

I can totally see how the "tell me more" tactic could be incredibly useful in other aspects of life.

I don't really see you as having a hard time finding challenges in life. You seem like a seeker of challenges.

[flexagon]

Yeah, no. Or maybe I'm the kind of person who finds life challenging, especially life at Zillian. :P

It has occurred to me much more to keep people okay and comforted than to try to challenge them. But this may only be appropriate for some of my direct reports -- it's very possible that some are bored and would like more of a push.

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

Actually I was thinking more about your real life. When I started reading about your adventures you were doing yoga and pushing your levels of athleticism, and that led to the acroyoga and beyond. You always seem to be challenging yourself, even in your love life. You are an intrepid explorer.

I definitely agree that you also try to be mindful about people being ok and everyone's comfort level and safety.

[miyyu.livejournal.com]

I think all this behavioral stuff is fascinating. It always amazes me what I give off without meaning to and how much slowing down when I talk makes a difference. I'm impressed that you can handle this all with such dignity; I have a difficult time with perceived criticism like this.

[flexagon]

Interesting... I mostly just find it fascinating. I'm not sure whether I have an intrinsic sense of dignity that makes me feel okay about it, or if I have no dignity such that I don't worry about it. :)