Come As You Are

[flexagon]

I've had great luck with reading lately. I've been meaning for some time now to post about each of two books, and tonight (too sleepy to work effectively) is maybe a reasonable time to unload my brain.

Come As You Are is by Emily Nagoski of thedirtynormal.com fame. I think I've mentioned her before when writing about responsive desire and such.

Anyway, the coolest sex researcher in the world has written a WONDERFUL book whose title is a marvelous sexy pun, and I pretty much think every woman in this culture should read it. The reason I don't have a copy now is exactly that I gave mine away to the other woman in my Paris apartment a few days after I finished it.

Among the reasons it's awesome:

It talks about how sexual excitement isn't about one system that's on or off or whatever; it's about two systems, one that excites and one that inhibits, and how the two systems work antagonistically, and how sometimes pressing the accelerator doesn't help when one also has a foot stomped on the brake. (This is the dual control system and I knew this already from the blog, but still. Something about this chapter actually helped me understand a little more about how heisenbug operates, as well as how I do, so it wins points.)

It talks about the difference between sexual relevance (which genitals respond to) and what people actually LIKE, with their brains, and how these can be different and how that's okay, because noticing relevant data is just what genitals do. Relevant to both genders, and maybe particularly men since their genital response is often so very obvious to them.

It talks about stress (not applicable to just women OR to just sex, duh) and the differences between anticipating, enjoying, and eagerness (standing in for different brain systems). I wish I had the book now but she pretty much convinced me that these can occur in any combination... like, anticipating without eagerness or enjoying is what we usually call "dread". And eagerness without enjoying is a kind of panicky seeking after something for reassurance or the feeling of normality, rather than for joy. And so on. And all this can happen in the context of sex.

And it talks about normalcy, the wide wide range of normalcy, and how the reader is almost certainly not broken, how sex and women's sexuality in particular is glorious and frustrating and misunderstood, and there are step-by-step directions for masturbating oneself to a several-minute orgasm too. :-)

I am going to give a copy to my mom, and to bluechromis, and to phaseolus_v, and to every female-identified person on my Xmas list this year. I don't think I've liked a non-fiction book so much in years.

Comments

[nevers.livejournal.com]

i just put that book on my wishlist recently. i'm glad to hear you enjoyed it so much! nonfiction books on specialty topics always feel like such a risk to me since often the authors are only barely good at writing.

[flexagon]

yeah. Emily writes informally but also carefully, and caringly. So you won't have that problem. :)

[perfectbound.livejournal.com]

I just read this book! Agreed, it is totally amazing.

[bluechromis.livejournal.com]

Nice, I am eager. :-D