Loneliness (the book)

[flexagon]

I'm reading a book on loneliness (title: Loneliness). There's a UCLA Loneliness Scale that I found an online quiz for... it's not even a great quiz (different people might easily have different ideas of what "Rarely" and "Never" mean, for instance) so it's interesting how well it correlates to a whole host of life situations.

The quiz confirms that I'm not subjectively lonely, though I have been in the past (I'm either not-lonely or on the borderline of low-normal, depending on my answer to one question). Lioness apparently is lonely, way into the high range, and chronically so. Clinically speaking, that fits really well with her tendency to feel threatened and also to push people away. Fits for two of my other friends, too. I really hadn't realized. What I'm learning is that long-term loneliness can seriously mess a person up, from reading a social environment as more hostile than it is to premature aging (wow). And the opposite, that feeling grounded in companionship can have good ripple effects.

Most interesting nuggets from the book so far:

• Very lonely people are more sensitive to social cues than most, but they misinterpret them (generally as being more hostile / negative than they really are).


• The English language doesn't have a good simple word for not-lonely, or for not-thirsty.

Now go chat your friends.

Comments

[coraline]

<3

[randysmith]

They didn't have the right answer to "How often do you feel completely alone?" Not often enough! :-}

I suspect I am somewhat lonely (I score at the normal loneliness end of "moderately lonely" and I'm a bit wary of my constant, background wish to have more time to myself than I do, though I also rated several things "rarely" without being able to think of examples just because I distrust scale extremes). But I also feel there's something quizzes like this miss, somewhat related to the above joke; there's value in time really communing with oneself.

[bolson]

according to the quiz i'm extremely lonely. yup. health effects? yup. does the book have any tips for getting better?

[apfelsingail]

I should probably read that book. I'm in this odd space where I absolutely have some amazing people in my life who I totally adore. I have a social life. And I've also pretty much always been at least somewhat lonely for most of my life. The reading of social environments as potentially hostile stuff sounds like it could be relevant; I'm pretty shy and mostly figured I just have a certain amount of social anxiety going on. It's really surreal to wonder whether that's even true, or whether it's actually chronic, long-term loneliness. Weird.

Imma go back to researching fun stuff like basement waterproofing and asbestos testing/abatement now. :)