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flexagonIn the name of finishing what I started, I'm gonna finish what I started (I also answered all your comments on Part I). But be at ease... the last parts of the book were far more comforting than the first parts, for the most part. Here we get into things like how family works its way into the question, and also one or two super-inspiring stories of people who people with really big dreams (about whom I might have something to say later, but not so much today, as it turns out).
I actually liked Po's take on the issue of kids. He points out, quite correctly, that most people can adapt to being parents, that nature in fact gives us a very workable amount of time in which to adapt. Also that it doesn't necessarily mess up our careers irredeemably. Fine... but far more interesting is the way he says that having kids doesn't always become the primary meaning in life.
The relationship with your child is so meaningful it can reveal just how meaningless other things in your life are. And people deal with this information in opposite ways. Many people are suddenly relieved of the burden of finding meaningful work. They're perfectly content to punch the clock; family provides meaning now. If they can afford to, they'd rather stay home with the kids. But just as commonly, this meaning audit compels people to hold a higher standard to their life; they can no longer waste half their waking hours on some job that doesn't do it for them. They don't want their child to watch them lead a dispassionate life.
This doesn't make me want to have kids, not in the slightest, but it does make me go hmmmmm. It sounds true to me.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
artana, any comment, I wonder?
Well, the book goes on. But I don't feel like reviewing it in such detail anymore. What I'm thinking now, and as I commented inwebrat's journal... I want a point beyond which I'm content. I want to be satisfiable. I don't want this thing where my salary's not enough, and then something else isn't enough, and then in the end $100 million plus the presidency wouldn't be enough, you know? I do want some of my drive/ambition back, and--this is important--I think I have a valid reason to feel my career isn't reflecting the real me as well as it could. So it's valid to want to do better--but I want it to have a reason and not just be this stupid "more more more" thing.
The book does have one important message that comes out near the end of business being (only) a tool to be used to further whatever it is that you believe in. That's a good and sobering point. I will get my soul crushed if I choose to go back for an MBA now and end up just working at any old business... on the other hand I could always pick up the tool and not use it unless or until I find something to use it for. Hmm... me, a Sloanie? Maybe after the next job, although I think not yet.
We all share [the] human experience. We are all looking for "rightness." We are all struggling to transcend the way our class has defined us. We are all trying to know ourselves. We are all looking for an environment that nurtures our soul. We are all trying to balance the needs and desires of our families. We are all trying to keep the Big Picture in mind. This unites us, not divides us.
So finding your calling is not "the answer." Callings are vehicles that let our real selves out; callings speed up the process. You can find your calling, or you can find your people, or you can find an environment that nurtures you--they all lead to the same place. Many people get there without ever finding their calling. Head in that direction. Seek, adjust. Seek, learn. We grow into our true selves, our whole selves, overcoming the limits that once trapped us.
Intriguingly enough, I've found my environment (urban) and I've found my people (MIT). It seems, it really seems, that the only thing left that's a bit suboptimal is the job... and hell, even there, it's just the industry. This realization makes me feel about 20 times better. I wish I'd read this, the last chapter, first. Or at least that I hadn't stopped reading when I did, that I'd plowed forward to this.
Now, I'd still rather have a calling than not have a calling. If I do find one, though, I ask just one thing of it... it better be a big one, it better be something that takes a lifetime. I don't want another life dream that I can fully achieve. Whoever could have told the white-trash kid I used to be that aiming at MIT, which seemed impossible from where I stood, would be aiming way too low? But it was, and I would have known it if I'd only looked at how old I'd be when I graduated. Life dream attained, almost 22 years old but not quite, and ugh, what next? Settle in and make money for 5 years and then decide, I said. And that brings us to now, and that's okay... but if I have another burning ambition type thing, let it not be something else that will leave me stranded. I hate that. I'd rather have something to always be aiming at, if I can't make peace with being a sort of drifter--which is still an option too.
current mood: sleepy
current music: I understand about indecision, I don't care about gettin' behind... people livin' in competition, all I want is to have my peace of mind.
I actually liked Po's take on the issue of kids. He points out, quite correctly, that most people can adapt to being parents, that nature in fact gives us a very workable amount of time in which to adapt. Also that it doesn't necessarily mess up our careers irredeemably. Fine... but far more interesting is the way he says that having kids doesn't always become the primary meaning in life.
The relationship with your child is so meaningful it can reveal just how meaningless other things in your life are. And people deal with this information in opposite ways. Many people are suddenly relieved of the burden of finding meaningful work. They're perfectly content to punch the clock; family provides meaning now. If they can afford to, they'd rather stay home with the kids. But just as commonly, this meaning audit compels people to hold a higher standard to their life; they can no longer waste half their waking hours on some job that doesn't do it for them. They don't want their child to watch them lead a dispassionate life.
This doesn't make me want to have kids, not in the slightest, but it does make me go hmmmmm. It sounds true to me.
artana, any comment, I wonder?Well, the book goes on. But I don't feel like reviewing it in such detail anymore. What I'm thinking now, and as I commented in
webrat's journal... I want a point beyond which I'm content. I want to be satisfiable. I don't want this thing where my salary's not enough, and then something else isn't enough, and then in the end $100 million plus the presidency wouldn't be enough, you know? I do want some of my drive/ambition back, and--this is important--I think I have a valid reason to feel my career isn't reflecting the real me as well as it could. So it's valid to want to do better--but I want it to have a reason and not just be this stupid "more more more" thing. The book does have one important message that comes out near the end of business being (only) a tool to be used to further whatever it is that you believe in. That's a good and sobering point. I will get my soul crushed if I choose to go back for an MBA now and end up just working at any old business... on the other hand I could always pick up the tool and not use it unless or until I find something to use it for. Hmm... me, a Sloanie? Maybe after the next job, although I think not yet.
We all share [the] human experience. We are all looking for "rightness." We are all struggling to transcend the way our class has defined us. We are all trying to know ourselves. We are all looking for an environment that nurtures our soul. We are all trying to balance the needs and desires of our families. We are all trying to keep the Big Picture in mind. This unites us, not divides us.
So finding your calling is not "the answer." Callings are vehicles that let our real selves out; callings speed up the process. You can find your calling, or you can find your people, or you can find an environment that nurtures you--they all lead to the same place. Many people get there without ever finding their calling. Head in that direction. Seek, adjust. Seek, learn. We grow into our true selves, our whole selves, overcoming the limits that once trapped us.
Intriguingly enough, I've found my environment (urban) and I've found my people (MIT). It seems, it really seems, that the only thing left that's a bit suboptimal is the job... and hell, even there, it's just the industry. This realization makes me feel about 20 times better. I wish I'd read this, the last chapter, first. Or at least that I hadn't stopped reading when I did, that I'd plowed forward to this.
Now, I'd still rather have a calling than not have a calling. If I do find one, though, I ask just one thing of it... it better be a big one, it better be something that takes a lifetime. I don't want another life dream that I can fully achieve. Whoever could have told the white-trash kid I used to be that aiming at MIT, which seemed impossible from where I stood, would be aiming way too low? But it was, and I would have known it if I'd only looked at how old I'd be when I graduated. Life dream attained, almost 22 years old but not quite, and ugh, what next? Settle in and make money for 5 years and then decide, I said. And that brings us to now, and that's okay... but if I have another burning ambition type thing, let it not be something else that will leave me stranded. I hate that. I'd rather have something to always be aiming at, if I can't make peace with being a sort of drifter--which is still an option too.
current mood: sleepy
current music: I understand about indecision, I don't care about gettin' behind... people livin' in competition, all I want is to have my peace of mind.
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-24 12:14 pm (UTC)A> I hated pregnancy and labor. Yes, I was terrified of them, much like everyone of the women here. To have something grow inside of you, your body change in odd ways...it was all utterly terrifying. My first baby was not planned. In fact, I was beginning to think I was infertile...three years with hubby, no pill. You get the picture.
B> When they were born, I did not have the instant lovey dovey strong bond to them. I am unfortunately not a very emotional person? Or maybe my definition of emotions are different. I thought, 'wow, they are so little'. I thought, 'I really need to take care of him because I'm the jerk who brought them into the world. It's not fair not to take responsibility for that.' Only after weeks did it become strong enough to be called love. Protectiveness yes...love no...so personally I was not hard-wired to love.
C> I am not the world's greatest mommy. I love the kids, but for some reason I have been on a short leash and I know it. I am tired and cranky. I am human.:P I admit the first year or so, you do give a lot to the babes. But, I can trade a year or so...now that they are hitting the twos, that they speak, that they run around. It is amazing to watch. Sacrifice? Yes. Though, of self...not so much. I don't become my mom. I didn't stop believing what I believed in. Redirected a bit, maybe. Gone? No.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-24 02:05 pm (UTC)Anyway, it's not for me and that's that. For the record though (and as you were probably picking up from the comments), I am an egg donor who has contact with the kid... my bio-daughter Birdie will be 3 in August... so it's not like I'm entirely anti-family, I've just had to find my own way to do these things. Birdie's pretty neat, my tummy's still flat and they paid me... the tradeoff is I don't get the mother/child bond. But I miss out on the expense, the time, the diapers and the emotional drain too. ;)