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When nice things come in scary packages
Jan. 7th, 2012 02:18 pmA scary letter from the IRS turned out to be good news in disguise last week, or at least I think so.
IRS: Someone reported that you sold a crapton of securities in 2009 and you didn't report it to us in your taxes! We have no idea how much they cost you, so let's estimate ZERO. Yes, yes, surely it was pure profit -- and, you thieving knave, that's a lot of profit you tried to weasel out of paying taxes on. Bad lady! You owe us tens of thousands in taxes AND about $7000 in penalties for being a revolting person. If we're wrong, you'd better tell us before January 11 or we'll send you a bill for the total.
Me, at home: <works through scenario in which I actually pay that much. Results do not include living on the street. Returns to playing Cards Against Humanity with visiting friends.>
Me, at work, to Flea the financial advisor: Eek! What did we do in 2009??? A rebalance. Ah. Usually done at a loss or break-even point, you say.
Me, at work: <digs up 2009 tax forms passed between me and IRS, $FINANCIAL_HOUSE and me.>
Me to IRS: I am ever so sorry, dear Internal Revenue Service, that I failed to report these sales. Please believe me. I really am. Enclosed please find full details on their cost basis, which will show that all seven sales were AT A LOSS. HAH. Yep, I sure should have reported those. With all due apologies, I'll be sitting at home waiting for YOU to send ME a check.
Me to post office worker: yes, please, I would like delivery confirmation.
(Apparently this whole story plays out fairly often, and apparently the financial companies will soon be sending cost basis info to the IRS along with the raw value of the sales. That will keep them from coming after people who aren't really trying to scam them, though I wonder how assiduous they will be about tracking down people like me who accidentally overpaid.)
IRS: Someone reported that you sold a crapton of securities in 2009 and you didn't report it to us in your taxes! We have no idea how much they cost you, so let's estimate ZERO. Yes, yes, surely it was pure profit -- and, you thieving knave, that's a lot of profit you tried to weasel out of paying taxes on. Bad lady! You owe us tens of thousands in taxes AND about $7000 in penalties for being a revolting person. If we're wrong, you'd better tell us before January 11 or we'll send you a bill for the total.
Me, at home: <works through scenario in which I actually pay that much. Results do not include living on the street. Returns to playing Cards Against Humanity with visiting friends.>
Me, at work, to Flea the financial advisor: Eek! What did we do in 2009??? A rebalance. Ah. Usually done at a loss or break-even point, you say.
Me, at work: <digs up 2009 tax forms passed between me and IRS, $FINANCIAL_HOUSE and me.>
Me to IRS: I am ever so sorry, dear Internal Revenue Service, that I failed to report these sales. Please believe me. I really am. Enclosed please find full details on their cost basis, which will show that all seven sales were AT A LOSS. HAH. Yep, I sure should have reported those. With all due apologies, I'll be sitting at home waiting for YOU to send ME a check.
Me to post office worker: yes, please, I would like delivery confirmation.
(Apparently this whole story plays out fairly often, and apparently the financial companies will soon be sending cost basis info to the IRS along with the raw value of the sales. That will keep them from coming after people who aren't really trying to scam them, though I wonder how assiduous they will be about tracking down people like me who accidentally overpaid.)
