And the final score is...
Jul. 1st, 2004 05:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flexagon25 hours of vacation payout. Yep, that about covers the watch and a few new clothes for the new job. And we now return to some version of our usual budget. :)
I just thought of an interesting topic of conversation: what's so good it scares you? Is there anything you've barely tasted, or are afraid to taste, because it might take you over?
I am afraid to live in Manhattan, for example. All that power in one place is like a freakin' drug, and as it is I can only name 4 places on earth I can be sure I could live happily. If I ever once live in Manhattan I fear I could never live anywhere else.
I might also list the S&M scene, which it's far better I not think about since I value, really value, quite a few things that are not compatible with that. And my friend who very wisely doesn't drink because his whole family is alcoholic and he knows it's in his genes. And... but enough from me, tell me what's in your head. :)
I just thought of an interesting topic of conversation: what's so good it scares you? Is there anything you've barely tasted, or are afraid to taste, because it might take you over?
I am afraid to live in Manhattan, for example. All that power in one place is like a freakin' drug, and as it is I can only name 4 places on earth I can be sure I could live happily. If I ever once live in Manhattan I fear I could never live anywhere else.
I might also list the S&M scene, which it's far better I not think about since I value, really value, quite a few things that are not compatible with that. And my friend who very wisely doesn't drink because his whole family is alcoholic and he knows it's in his genes. And... but enough from me, tell me what's in your head. :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Wow
Date: 2004-07-01 03:05 pm (UTC)I think there are a ton of things, but off the top of my head:
Ecstasy/Shrooms - There are other reasons why I have never tried either, but scared of how good they are is up there.
San Diego & San Fran
A bunch of Extreme Sports that look really cool. Though I guess that has more to do with me being a chicken than afraid of it taking over.
Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-01 03:16 pm (UTC)I only made it out of SanFran alive because its public transportation isn't so hot. It remains on my list of places I could live, though. I demand a certain amount of that addictive quality in a place I live, now, thanks to Boston.
And, speaking of drugs: oh yeah. But for me it'd be heroin and crystal meth.
Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-01 03:43 pm (UTC)Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-02 12:41 pm (UTC)I have done some of the easier / less scary stuff, but not as an intentional lead-in to the more scary.
Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-01 03:43 pm (UTC)Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-02 06:59 am (UTC)I, too, am way intimidated by ecstacy. I think I've just had my head filled w/ a lot of propaganda that says that it's one of the worst things for you on the planet. Some people (who's opinion I truly respect) say that its not that bad, and just lots of fun... so I guess I'd be willing to try it.
Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-02 07:35 am (UTC)I've never done any psychedelics ... I'm scared that if I saw how cool things looked and sounded and felt on them, that the world would seem dull by comparison.
Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-02 07:43 am (UTC)The analogy I'd give is pot. Everything seems so funny when you're high. Only funny things seem funny when you're not. Catch my drift? When I was shrooming, we stared at an oriental rug for hours (it acted like a stereogram, and you could make whatever 3d object you wanted pop out of it). Life seemed no more boring the next day... you'd just have to look at something that was actually cool in order to think it was cool. Your perception was just not altered to think EVERYTHING was cool.
I don't know if this makes sense.
Re: Wow
Date: 2004-07-02 12:39 pm (UTC)That said, it's a good and honest answer to my question, so thanks. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 03:41 pm (UTC)I think sometimes 'love' scares me. I remember declaring it and feeling on top of the world. I also remember plummeling back down to the earth afterwards never wanting to feel that much pain again.
As for things that actually scare me, I'd probably say being left alone forever / not having people to care or care for. I like talking to people (as long as it's not on the phone, blah blah blah.. mushroom ear, ugh).
I rarely drink, so my gluttony is food. Chocolate, italian and melt-in-your-fucking-mouth prime ribs are probably my downfall. But, considering how much I weigh atm, I must not be too scared of that.
I'm also scared that I'm too perverted for a relationship, but I guess I figure as long as I haven't acted out on that perversion, no harm no foul. I doubt I'll find a sex partner on the same wavelength, that thought scares me sometimes.
Last, but not least... bills scare me, sometimes I feel overwhelmed and being physically impaired somehow (loss of limbs, etc).
There, if you ever wanted to torture me, you know how. ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 07:14 pm (UTC)Loving my husband so much scares me. I've never cared about or depended on another human being this much, not even my family. I lay awake nights frantically wondering what I would do if he died or were badly hurt. He is also 11 years older than I am, so it is very likely that he will go first and I will be alone. That doesn't stop me from loving him and wanting to be with him -- I truly can't help that -- but it does give me mini-panic attacks. The sheer vulnerability is staggering.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-02 12:48 pm (UTC)Me too. I didn't list that one just because I have gone ahead and taken that risk... it's not safe to be so vulnerable though, you're right. So not safe. Sigh.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-02 01:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-02 02:40 am (UTC)I am afraid of becoming a programmer again. When I used to program it would take over my whole life. I'd dream it, live it. Hell, I would go four hours and think it had only maybe been a 1/2 of one.
An uncle offered me once to send me a pontoon and let me make a party boat in FL. I sit and think about it, because I love the ocean. And I think that I would love it too much. My life would be too peaceful. It's odd..but it might just be too good.
Drugs, yep, scared I would be addicted in a sec. I have never even puffed a cigarette. My family is full of addictive personalities.
S&M is somewhere up there. I like bondage, up to a point, but I cannot imagine letting go and trying some of the other stuff. Whether its fear of something too good, or just fear that I would never return to being a person able to raise her children in a normal environment...I don't know.
To jump on the 'love' bandwagon.
Date: 2004-07-02 07:18 am (UTC)Scary? Yes, the thought of losing her is indeed scary. As many here can attest to, insecurities of being left by one you truly love can be fairly harsh. She's definitely worth it. (sorry, slight nausea setting in?)
I would also say money. I'm afraid that if I ever got to a point where I had lots of money, I'd become so many of the people I hated in college (BU).
One thing I'm terrified I'd like is gambling. I'm such a fan of video games... I could see myself getting into other (particularly number based) games. Deep down this fear has turned into revulsion. I don't ever want to come anywhere near a casino.
Wealth
Date: 2004-07-04 09:38 am (UTC)Re: Wealth
Date: 2004-07-05 07:11 am (UTC)(Plus I've already observed the nonlinearity of money in my life... there's a point where you can have all that's reasonable, so once money was taken care of, I'm pretty sure I'd be MORE likely to think about other balancing things. I may just be lucky to have an "enough" line though... and I do worry occasionally that it's creeping its way upward.)
Re: Wealth
Date: 2004-07-06 07:22 am (UTC)